‘God Things’

The publishing process is moving along nicely. I have found someone to edit my work before working on the page layouts.

This in itself is a God thing, if you’re familiar with that terminology you know what I mean, and if you aren’t maybe I can explain it.

I had someone who offered to read for me. But when I tried to deliver a portion of the manuscript he was not where he said he would be. We then exchanged e-mails about details and then he cut off communication.

I was seriously concerned that this person would actually read in a timely manner and began to wonder just how I might find someone.

My mother made a very kind gesture to me in the midst of all of this, a move from her totally unrelated to the editing of my book or problems I was having. However when she did what she did I began to think of asking her to edit for me.

When I did, she said she would be honored. Here was someone available (retired) who would have time to do it, and who would be proud to do it, and would also offer a chance for mother-daughter bonding that is much needed.

After she had only had the manuscript for one-and-a-half-days she had already read/edited one-seventh of what I’d given her!

To me the whole thing is a “God thing” and I’m happy for the way everything worked out.

Do you have any “God thing” stories to share? If so, please do.

A New Chapter

To all my loyal readers and those who are new to my blog I will not be posting here for a while.

I have completed my book and will be spending all of my free time working on getting it ready for publication. And I have a lot of work to do to complete that. It’s a new chapter in the process and one that will be a learning experience. Please keep an eye on the site for updates as the process continues.

I have appreciated all of the feedback you have given over the past few years as I have been in the midst of writing the book, and I look forward to continuing my writing when I get to a place where I can do that again.

Stay tuned …

Goals for the New Year

“Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man.”
—Benjamin Franklin

The end of the year is often a time of reflection for many of us. We may look back on the previous twelve months with regret over having not achieved the goals we set at this time last year.

If we tried our best to do what we set out to do at the end of the year, but somehow fell short, we don’t need to berate ourselves; we simply need to continue our efforts since giving up surely won’t get us anywhere.

Whether we call them New Year’s resolutions or goals, the things we set out to do in the coming year are important to us and worthy of every effort we can put forth. It helps to write down what we hope to achieve since somewhere along the way we often forget what it was we set out to do, and because there’s something almost magical about writing things down that helps the process of achievement.  

One goal we can set that will help with everything in our lives is to operate out of love at all times. It’s much more difficult than it seems. When we operate out of love it means we don’t gossip, or judge, or treat people unkindly, even if sometimes people probably deserve to be treated that way. It also means we are completely honest with others. We don’t enable bad behavior or coddle adults who may need tough love. It also requires us to love our self.

If we set that one goal — to do everything from a place of love — and hold true to it as much as possible, our lives will transform. Often we do things from a sense of fear. Love and fear are opposites and fear can lead us to poor decisions and actions. Love can never lead us wrong. Love, not lust or control, but real love will always guide us to right action.

Just remember that whatever bad habit we wish to do away with and all of our goals for the coming year can be achieved if we truly want them to happen. If we have tried before and didn’t succeed, then some would say we just didn’t try hard enough.

Make it your goal to live the next year from a place of love and see you life change for the better.

Seasons of Life

“To everything there is a season,
a time for every purpose under the sun.
A time to be born and a time to die;
a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
a time to kill and a time to heal;
a time to weep and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn and a time to dance;
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to lose and a time to seek;
a time to rend and a time to sew;
a time to keep silent and a time to speak;
a time to love and a time to hate;
a time for war and a time for peace.”
—Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

As much as we may wish it weren’t so, the rules of this world mandate that we have all of the seasons of life from birth to death. Some of us live longer than we may deserve; and many go before they should.

We don’t decide when life and death occur. But what we can do is live out our lives while we are here. In order to truly live we don’t abuse ourselves with things that cause us harm; and we don’t treat other people unkindly.

When treated with prejudice and hate we can learn to forgive and not hate back. When we are ignored or abandoned we can reach out and love someone else who may feel distraught like us. When we need to heal we allow ourselves to do what will give us peace. We speak up when we need to and keep silent when that is best.

There are many choices we make every day that affect our lives in the moment and for the future. They seem small and insignificant at the time, but may have far reaching and long-lasting outcomes. When we handle the small stuff we keep it manageable. When things get too big and out of control for us, we ask for help.

Living life in a healthy way demands that we pay attention. We are aware of our physical and emotional needs and we deal with them in healthy and appropriate ways. To love ourselves means that we do have to put our self first and then give to others.

Wherever we are in our lives, we can know that it’s the place we are meant to be at the time, and that if we are in pain, we will come out on the other side of that with new found wisdom and peace.

You are in the season chosen for you at this moment.

Magnify Blessings

“What a different world this would be if people would magnify their blessings the way they do their troubles.”
—Unknown

If we could only trumpet our blessings the same way we whine and moan about what’s wrong in our lives what a difference it could make in the world.

Often blessings come in ways that we do not think about. A perfectly timed call from a friend; praise for something we’ve done; an unexpected chance to spend time with someone we love; avoiding a wreck as we rush around from one place to another in our vehicles.

We are blessings to the world when we buy gifts or provide for the needs of the underprivileged; when we forego a meal out or some other luxury to help another; at those times when we say “I love you” just because we do, even though sometimes it’s hard to say; and when we forgive the person who seems the most unforgivable.

Life offers us many ways to give and receive. Both are important and necessary for our well-being.

Sometimes people think that they have to be the best at something to be a blessing; that they have to do a great thing. But many times blessings come in imperfect packages.

During a memorial service for a woman who played the guitar and wrote songs, a 12-year-old boy whom she had inspired and taught a few guitar tricks to got up in front of the whole church and played one of her songs while he also sang the lyrics. No, it was not perfectly done, in all honesty it wasn’t really all that great, but all who knew her were blessed that her song had been performed.

For those who knew what it took for this boy to do what he did, there was even a bigger blessing; a lesson in putting others first even if we have fear or heavy grief. He showed a love that many of us aspire to, but never reach because we are too busy trying to one up the other guy by doing something bigger and better when all we really have to do is that thing we are led to do without fanfare.

Blessings surround you and they are within you. You must be open to receive and give them or you miss out.

Being Alive

“Every day you’re alive is a special occasion.”
—Unknown

It certainly does not feel like every day we live is special. We have problems and sickness, bills and heartache. And sometimes it seems as if there’s just no hope.

But when we have the occasion to watch someone fight for life, to face illness with the hope of beating it, that person who fights to the very last moment, we can at least get a glimpse of how important each day is. It was my privilege to watch someone do just that — fight to the very last moment — the will to live so strong. A person who was so full of life and suffered from pain and the agony of cancer treatments, but still found joy in the days she had left and lived just two days past her 57th birthday.

I think it’s especially difficult during the holiday season to feel like every day is special. There are those who live for the holidays from Thanksgiving until the New Year’s Eve celebrations and the football games on New Year’s Day. And others who would just as soon the month of December be just like every other month of the year because not everybody enjoys the constant social gatherings. And there are those too who are left out and feel isolated and depressed because they don’t have a party to go to every night.

Those of us who struggle with the holidays can juxtapose our feelings with those who love the holidays. Perhaps their enthusiasm will rub off on us a bit. We can also compare how we feel about life in general to someone who is fighting for their life. We can perhaps glean a little insight into what drives them. Maybe there we can find more hope and joy in our own lives.

Being alive is a gift. It is one we can cherish or despise. Our life is ours to do with what we will despite the bad things that may come our way. Watching someone fight for life can renew our spirits to live fully each day.

Watch someone who is happy to be alive; it can help you find happiness.

No Excuses

“There’s right and there’s wrong. You got to do one or the other. You do the one, and you’re living. You do the other, and you may be walking around but you’re dead as a beaver hat.”
—Marion “John” Wayne

We have many opportunities in life to do the right thing or to do what we know is wrong. When we choose to do something that we know we should not do there are usually ways we can justify our actions.

Excuses and blame are easy to think of such as: I didn’t mean to; it just happened; it was her fault; I was just living in the moment; it was the alcohol; I didn’t plan it this way; and so on. And while there are times that we do things that we know we shouldn’t there is always the opportunity to stop moving forward with our mistake.

Just because we don’t see consequences of bad behavior today, it doesn’t mean there won’t be any or that when there are consequences we will know about them. Any time we are involved in behavior that could harm another person we need to step back and stop what we are doing.

Life offers us many temptations. We may feel justified in doing wrong because we are lonely, depressed, poor, or otherwise downtrodden. But doing wrong has no real excuses, at least not the kinds that absolve us of guilt.

Walking down the path of wrong will never bring us long-term fulfillment or happiness. It probably will cause us harm and hurt others too. It is our decision to do right or wrong, but excuses to justify do little if anything to right a wrong.

You can decide at any moment to stop a wrongdoing in process.

Getting Off the Roller-Coaster Ride

“Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm and harmony.”
—Thomas Merton

Most of us say we want to have peace in our lives. We want peace and joy, but we don’t act like it. Instead we live our lives as if we are on a roller-coaster vacillating between the highs and lows and feeling as if something is wrong when we do find that we are in a place of peace.

When we are in the midst of feeling a lot of joy we know that it won’t last forever so when change comes, and it always does, we don’t need to be distraught and get depressed. Just like when we are down and out about something we must remember that this too shall pass and something will come along to bring us joy.

When we get off the roller-coaster ride that many of us have spent a great portion of our lives on, we may not find peace to be a place of comfort. We may think something is wrong with us because we just don’t feel too much of anything. However, not to worry, because more than likely if we’re active and living a full life but not having all the highs and lows that we have grown accustomed to we probably have found peace.

When life if full of intensity and stress it’s usually full of anger and pain. Living a life on the edge may be fun at times, the highs are great, but the lows are not so much fun. A more level-headed lifestyle can bring just as much happiness without falling into the depth of despair when we fall off the high.

Balance, peace, and harmony may not feel very exciting, but they are the best places to be.

Enabling Others

“A person who is acting out self destructively has no reason to change if they do not ever suffer major consequences for their behavior. If they are rescued from consequences, they are enabled to continue practicing their addiction.”
—Robert Burney

Enabling is often referred to as behaviors that rescue and allow alcoholics and addicts to continue their behavior without suffering the consequences. But beyond that it also relates to rescuing those who are involved in other self-destructive behaviors such as: gambling, eating disorders, the inability to keep a job, relationship addictions or having affairs, and anything else that is destructive to a person.

I’ve had experience as a full-fledged enabler of an alcoholic having lived with one for several years. It seemed at the time the best route was to let this person drink and just pick up the pieces as they fell. I took care of things to avoid problems and even called every day to ensure they would not be late for work. But with time my self-esteem was crushed and I suffered from depression and had to leave. Enabling did not save the relationship. It just delayed the loss of the relationship a few years.

We really don’t do anybody any favors when we enable an addiction or any unhealthy behavior. If we allow a bigot or male chauvinist to constantly trash talk whoever they have issues against, we are enabling. Someone who is a bigot is probably not going to change just because we tell them not to say things around us, but at least our side of the street is clean on the issue.

We are not in charge of other people’s lives. It is not always our place to voice our concerns over another’s behavior. However, it is our issue when we are in the presence of someone, or in a relationship with someone, who is carrying out actions for which we don’t approve. To say nothing is enabling. Whether or not they heed our warning is their issue, but it’s also in our best interest to walk away if the behavior does not change. We ought to not hang around for the rescue when their world comes crashing down. If we do then we are just as much a part of the wrongdoing as they are.

Enabling hurts you when you do it as well as the one you think you are helping.

Feeling Anger

“It’s okay for me to be angry today. It’s growful, if I use it for good.”
—Unknown

Feeling anger, just like every other emotion, is how we move through and past it. We can no more push anger down and hide it and then expect to be okay than we can just snap out of depression.

Anger can be a catalyst for change. When we feel anger it is a signal that things are not as they need to be for us. Sometimes we can do something about the cause of our anger, and at other times we can simply walk away from the cause of it.

When we do nothing about our anger it can be turned inward and thus affect our lives in a negative way. It affects our behaviors and carries from the thing that caused us anger to the person or situation that did not cause it. How we deal with anger is important.

When we are angry with another person the best thing we can do is be direct and tell them why we are angry. What we don’t want to do is curse at them or call them names. Most people will allow us to be angry, but they will not listen to us when we treat them with disrespect.

If someone does us wrong, the conflict will be resolved much easier the sooner we deal with it. Usually if we let things build up it will make us angrier and when we are direct about our anger sooner things are easier to resolve.

When we encounter anger and it’s an issue that we have no resolution for, we must find an outlet for that anger through exercise or some way that doesn’t hurt others. There is not always resolution for conflict, especially if the other person has power over us at work or in some other situation.

Taking care of ourselves includes feeling and releasing our anger. It’s okay to be angry, it’s just wise to use it in a way that helps us and not hurts us.

Anger may not be the most wonderful feeling, but it needs to be felt and dealt with for healthy well-being.