Memories of the Past and Issues in the Present

One day at my place of employment we had an office manager and the next day we didn’t. It seems she was sentenced to prison for forgery and theft from an employer she had before coming on board with us.

She had kept everything a secret, even from her family, only telling her husband that she had lost her job and everything would be fine. He had no idea what she was facing.

Her sentence is 20 years, with 10 of that to be served on probation. Many say she won’t serve more than two years in prison.

I feel for her family. I won’t go into detail but I’ve been where her children are. It’s not a good place and it’ll haunt them forever. She has a 10 year old daughter at home and two children away at college.

The children will suffer. They will be embarrassed and their reaction to what happened may have dire consequences. Their mom may get through this and never “mess up” again. And with time things will heal for the family.

On the other hand, if the behavior continues, the family will suffer through it as well. I know how this is and it’s a source of pain for those who are in that situation.

As one who has healed, who has had numerous sessions in therapy, done a lot of introspection, and more, to heal not only from what others have done that affected me, but also what I did in reaction to that and to my low self esteem, I can say I hope and pray they get the help they need — that this woman gets the help she needs so that her behaviors won’t continue to damage her family.

What we do does help or hurt others. We may think we are only responsible for ourselves, but if we do wrong others will suffer.

Sometimes those who lie, cheat, and steal never get their just rewards, but this does not mean that others aren’t affected.

If someone in your life continues to embarrass you with their behavior and it seems they always get away with it with nothing more than a turned shoulder, it is difficult to deal with, but first and foremost you must take care of you.

Try to remember that even though you are associated with this person by virtue of a blood relationship or marriage — it is their behavior and not your behavior. Most people will separate that and not blame you for what they did.

It’s a tough situation to be in … I can say from many years of experience. What I experienced as a teen is still continuing to this day. It is a source of pain and embarrassment for those of us affected. All we can really do though is take care of us and our side of the street.

Marketing Request

On the dedication page of my book I thanked those of you who have been my loyal readers, who have offered feedback and kudos to help me continue to write even when the well seemed dry.

I have started a page to sell my book once it’s received. If you go to www.beaglebirdpress.com you will see the blog and some posts that are still on my About page here.  I used to delete those, but at some point decided to leave them.

If anyone wishes to make a comment about how this blog has helped or blessed them, speaking of the blog entries that ended in December as those are the actual book entries, feel free to do so here and I will add them to the other site to show those who know nothing of my work how it’s touched people.

Oh, and if anybody knows Oprah maybe you’d help me get my book on her show as I know it would then be a bestseller and I wouldn’t have to do any more physical labor, not even my OWN yard. :)

barb

What is the Lesson?

Sometimes, often actually, I wonder what the lesson is when I’m going through a difficult time.

Currently, as I’ve written about before, I’m on a partial layoff at my job. Because of that I probably got my book ready for press sooner than I would have. But I’ve had to endure some things I would never have chosen for myself to try to make up the lost income.

I’ve had to do some heavy labor, the first time a job I chose, but didn’t know how physically affecting it would be. The second time at a part-time job that seemed easy until I was told to go outside and do landscape work.

Don’t get me wrong, I love to be outside and enjoy working in my own yard. And at first the thought of working outside didn’t seem so bad because I really do hate to just sit around. However, after about an hour the work became increasingly difficult as my body tired, the temperature crept over 90 degrees, and I was deserted by a coworker half my age, literally.

I guess I say all that to get around to my point, which is, what lesson am I supposed to be learning? I do know that losing income has shown me that I can get out of my routine and survive. It’s caused me to look outside of the box at options I would not consider if I didn’t have a partial layoff.

And so far at least it’s proven that I am being taken care of and will survive even if there are rough patches in the midst of it all.

I think it’s softened me to the plight of others, too. Sometimes we lose and suffer not because of what we do or don’t do, but rather because of things out of our control.

And because of that, I turn to the Serenity Prayer:

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”

The proofs for Living Life Inside Out have been returned to the printer and I should have copies of the book within 20 working days. The photo above is a shot of the cover proof and the dedication page. It’s actually not a great photo, the book will look much better.

More information and options for ordering the book soon.

God Never Gives You More Than You Can Handle

 

It is often said that God never gives you more than you can handle. To that I say, okay God, enough already!

I’m not here to whine, but things haven’t been too rosy for me in a while. Last year I lost a pet and two friends. So far in 2009 I have had a partial layoff at work (hours and pay cut by 20 percent), and I lost my very best friend.

Buddy, the best boy in the world, my 11-and-a-half-year old beagle, got sick last week and after seeing the third veterinarian I finally got some answers and they weren’t good. He was in liver and kidney failure. The vet, Buddy, and I fought the battle for a few days, but healing and recovery were not to be.

I had amazing support from friends and family. I know that a lot of prayers were said. And I know those prayers worked because I’m handling this lots better than I would have expected. That’s not to say I haven’t been really sad, or that I haven’t cried a lot, but I’m moving forward with life while going through the inevitable grieving process.

One amazing thing that occurred was that I had my portrait made with Buddy just a little over a month before his time ran out. And I really wanted to wait until the spring green was blossoming, but for some reason planned it in March when things were still mostly brown and dormant. I’ve posted one of those pictures here. The portrait shoot was for my book cover. It’s not that I don’t have a million pictures of him, give or take, but now I have professional portraits too.

Loving another, whether it’s a pet or person can often leave us in a place of grieving because of loss, but I wouldn’t trade my time with him for anything. I’ll get another dog, probably sooner than later, and Buddy will always be in my heart.

As for the job cutback, I have been fortunate. I have a part-time job to fill in the gaps during May. It’s a temporary job working for the Arkansas Game and Fish Commission at the Nature Center in Little Rock. I have some freelance work I’m trying to land that will carry me through the summer too. So things on that front aren’t too bad.

I hope that whatever lessons I’m supposed to be learning through all of this are sinking in. I certainly don’t want to have to keep trying to get it. I’m hoping to get moving on the book soon. I’m still trying to get the perfect photo for the front cover and once that is captured it should move along rather quickly.

I know one of the lessons that I’m learning is not to give up no matter how tough things get. Just around the corner are blessings and love. And as some say, God never gives you more than you can handle.

Friendship

If you’ve read many of my blog posts you know that I am a proponent of forgiveness. I am also someone who believes in telling people the truth about how I feel if I think they are doing the wrong thing.

However, I mess up a lot. I’m not always the best at saying what I want to say to others and I usually don’t go about it the way I probably should. And sometimes it’s not my place to tell anyone what they are doing that I feel is wrong or harmful to them. But when I am in a relationship, whether it’s friendship, work, or family, I do believe that what another person does effects me and that gives me the right to speak my mind.

Relationships are difficult. I don’t think that I do them all that well. And I often expect too much from people. I am also not that forgiving; it takes me a while to let go when someone hurts me.

Recently I spent time with a great friend, one who I had hurt with my words a few years ago. I apologized for the hurt right after it happened, but circumstances have not allowed us to spend time together since then. I felt her forgiveness even though we didn’t discuss it.

Forgiveness and love don’t have to be discussed when actions speak louder than words.

My friend, Cheryl Mauldin, who is the best photographer in the world, spent some time taking photos of me last Saturday. The intent is to use my favorite for my bio picture on the book cover for Living Life Inside Out. And she did it with love and that shows. I also know because of her giving me the gift of her photography, that I’ve been forgiven.

So … to update: I am making progress on the book. I’ve got part of it back from my editor and I am beginning to work on the cover layout.  I still have no idea when it will be ready, but of course, I will let everyone know. I’m trying to enjoy the process and not push and stress over it because then it’s just not fun. There are enough deadlines and pressures at work.

Check out Cheryl’s wonderful photography at www.mauldinphotography.blogspot.com/. You can also peek at a few of the pictures she took of me under the blog: Barb Kampbell, Author.

‘God Things’

The publishing process is moving along nicely. I have found someone to edit my work before working on the page layouts.

This in itself is a God thing, if you’re familiar with that terminology you know what I mean, and if you aren’t maybe I can explain it.

I had someone who offered to read for me. But when I tried to deliver a portion of the manuscript he was not where he said he would be. We then exchanged e-mails about details and then he cut off communication.

I was seriously concerned that this person would actually read in a timely manner and began to wonder just how I might find someone.

My mother made a very kind gesture to me in the midst of all of this, a move from her totally unrelated to the editing of my book or problems I was having. However when she did what she did I began to think of asking her to edit for me.

When I did, she said she would be honored. Here was someone available (retired) who would have time to do it, and who would be proud to do it, and would also offer a chance for mother-daughter bonding that is much needed.

After she had only had the manuscript for one-and-a-half-days she had already read/edited one-seventh of what I’d given her!

To me the whole thing is a “God thing” and I’m happy for the way everything worked out.

Do you have any “God thing” stories to share? If so, please do.

A New Chapter

To all my loyal readers and those who are new to my blog I will not be posting here for a while.

I have completed my book and will be spending all of my free time working on getting it ready for publication. And I have a lot of work to do to complete that. It’s a new chapter in the process and one that will be a learning experience. Please keep an eye on the site for updates as the process continues.

I have appreciated all of the feedback you have given over the past few years as I have been in the midst of writing the book, and I look forward to continuing my writing when I get to a place where I can do that again.

Stay tuned …

Give Thanks

“As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.”
—John F. Kennedy

Every day of the year we ought to stop and express our gratitude to God for the blessings we have received some of which may have seemed to be more of a curse, but nonetheless we see them in hindsight as opportunities for growth.

We all have many things for which we can give thanks and any time we can remember to be thankful for what we do have, it takes our focus off of the things we do not have.

We may bemoan our jobs because we are not happy in them, but others are faced with unemployment. We might worry that our homes aren’t nice enough, or maybe they are in the wrong neighborhood, but we have a home. There are millions of people in the U.S. alone who are living in the streets or out in the woods with no home and only scraps for food. We worry that someone with a better income than us will look at us as less than. And they just may do that, but it matters not in the grand scheme of things. Life isn’t so much about what we have as it is about love.

Giving helps us to appreciate what was given to us. We, no matter what our financial status, can do for others, especially those less fortunate. When we spend time in service and giving to those in need we learn to be grateful for what we have.

Service and gifts to others, especially in their time of need, is a living expression of gratitude. It says that while we may want more and better than what we have, we are grateful for that which is ours and willing to give of our time and energy for others. It takes our focus off of the have not’s and turns our attention to what we have.

Give thanks by serving those who have less than you and you will begin to appreciate what you have been given.

Taking Off the Blinders

“Miracles rest not so much upon healing power coming suddenly near us from afar, but upon our perceptions being made finer, so that for the moment our eyes can see and our ears can hear what has been there around us always.”
—Willa Cather

We can get so focused on a thing, a desire, that we lose sight of the big picture and often lose out on other things that come along while we put all of our energy into getting that one thing we want.

Perhaps we focus all of our energy on getting the attention of a particular person, either to be friends, or a romantic relationship. We spin our lives around that person putting lots of energy into finding ways to see them, or gain attention from that person. And once we get it, or maybe when we don’t get it, we realize that there were dozens of other people we completely ignored because we had blinders on seeking to gain the love of one.

And maybe we do this too with our careers or other activities in our lives. We may have our goals set on one particular job and no matter what we do we either can’t get an interview or never get hired when we do. It may be time to set a new goal, find a new place to put our energy.

This isn’t to say we should never have goals or go after what we want. We should set goals and if we want something bad enough we usually get it, but sometimes that is not the case, especially when the outcome of a situation is not in our hands completely. We can’t make another person fall in love with us, and we can’t make someone hire us if they don’t choose to do that.

We focus, we set goals, we strive to be all we can be, but in the meantime we don’t overlook what opportunities are around us. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush as the saying goes. There’s a whole world out there and when we focus too much on a small piece of it we’re bound to miss something. When the signs start telling us to give up on a person, place, or thing, maybe we should do just that and find something else to focus on.

Goals are good, but don’t miss out on living a full life trying to make one happen.

Knowing Our Limits

“A ‘no’ uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a ‘yes’ merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble.”
—Mohandas Gandhi

In life whether it is at work, in relationships, groups, churches, families, or anywhere we are involved with others, there are times when we are asked to do more than we can do. What is important is that we know our limits.

We need to know how much we can handle in our lives before we are overwhelmed and stressed out. And sometimes we may be able to handle more than at other times so it isn’t always easy to know from month to month. Remember, too, that it doesn’t matter if someone else can handle more than you, they may be overstressed and neglecting important things out of a need to please by doing so much.

If we are busy doing a lot of different things in our lives, activities beyond work and caring for our homes and families, and we feel like something is getting neglected because we are so busy, it may be time to stop some activity, and it’s important not to take on more. It doesn’t matter if someone thinks we would be the perfect person to fill a need, if we don’t have time to do it and still take care of our current obligations we should say no.

Sometimes it is very hard to say no. We may be flattered that we were asked. We probably want to please whoever asked and those we would serve, but if taking on new tasks is going to cost us something that we are not willing to lose, then we must not do it. If we can give up one obligation to take on a new one, then that’s a possible solution.

The important thing is that we take care of ourselves in this busy world. We get enough sleep, eat right, relax, have fun, and take care of all of our obligations. If there’s room for other things in our lives then it’s not a problem, but taking care of our self must come first or we serve nobody. And when we get overburdened and overwhelmed we don’t have much to offer anyone.

Know your limits and take care of yourself so when you do give it’s out of a healthy place.