Acceptance

“Acceptance of one’s life has nothing to do with resignation; it does not mean running away from the struggle. On the contrary, it means accepting it as it comes, with all the handicaps of heredity, of suffering, of psychological complexes and injustices.”
—Dr. Paul Tournier

Acceptance does not mean we like where we are, where we’ve been, or what has happened to us. It means that rather than living in denial we accept that we are in a certain place or have had certain experiences and we learn from that so that we may grow and move on.

If our finances are not where we need or want them to be, we can’t fix them by sticking our head in the sand. We must accept our situation as being what it is and look for ways to correct it.

If we have an addiction, admitting it/accepting it is the first step in breaking it. When we have let ourselves go physically we must accept our present situation if we are to lose weight, get fit, eat right, or stop abusing our bodies with various addictions.

If we are experiencing a breakup or divorce when the other person is leaving us, it does no good to make excuses and pretend that they’ll be back and that it’s really not over. Acceptance will allow us to heal.

Denial and acceptance are opposites. One hides from a situation or problem and the other meets it head on. Having denial won’t wish away our problems, situations or issues. Acceptance of what is allows us to make the changes in behavior that will lead to healing.

While denial can numb us to life’s issues, it will only give us a temporary respite from out pain. Denial can represent fear while acceptance offers hope.

If we don’t like our present lot in life, we must first accept that we are right where we are no matter what our situation. Then with a clear head we can begin to work at turning our lives around and getting ourselves to a place where we want to be.

Running away or hiding from our problems will never change them; acceptance is the beginning to healing.

Denial

“Self-acceptance comes from meeting life’s challenges vigorously. Don’t numb yourself to your trials and difficulties, nor build mental walls to exclude pain from your life. You will find peace not by trying to escape your problems, but by confronting them courageously. You will find peace not in denial, but in victory.”
—J. Donald Walters

No matter what we do in life we can either sugarcoat it into something better than it was, or curse all over it and turn it into something negative. Whether it’s a thought, an action, a fear, it is what it is no matter if we’re in denial over it or not. We deny the truth to make situations appear better than they are, as well as some sort of self-punishment to make things not seem so great when maybe, just maybe they are that good.

To deny our thoughts and feelings does not make them go away, in fact, holding our feelings inside can make us sick. Pushing down, internalizing pain brings on stomach problems, backaches, and headaches.

Denial is not noble. Courage to face our fears, feelings, and consequences of our actions is noble. Saying a thing is black when it is white does not make it white. To pretend, even to ourselves, that we are not hurt when we are does not make us free of pain. It is simply a temporary fix to a long-term issue, one that will be resolved when we are willing to be honest with our self and others in order to stop running from it and face it.

We all use denial as a defense mechanism for things that we find intolerable. Sometimes it is necessary for a while, but there comes a point in our “recovery” that we need to face all of the facts, feelings, and actions of our lives so that we may grow and heal.

When we learn to accept rather than deny we are better able to deal with life on life’s terms. Life is not smooth and easy, it hasn’t been for centuries and it is not going to be tomorrow. Living in denial about our difficulties doesn’t make them disappear.

Denial only prolongs the growth from and solution to every situation.