Life Has Changed for the Better

My life is still turned upside down, sort of.

I held another snake the other day.

On Sunday I went hiking — all day — and the yard needs to be cut, the house is filthy, and I’m working the next 11 days in a row and then leaving town for a few days, and I’m not worried about any of it.

What has happened to me?

Did you catch that? I held another snake. Yikes. Not a big deal, you might think. For me it is.

What’s happening, what happened to me? Did I finally figure out I’m not that big of a deal? Did I realize just how little control I have on the world and that I don’t have to keep all the plates spinning?

I keep up with high profile murder and missing person cases. I think I started that with Jon Benet Ramsey, or I might have picked up on that later while reading online about another case. I remember a lot about the O.J. Simpson case. I remember where I was when I heard that Laci Peterson was missing. When Elizabeth Smart was found I was online on a crime forum typing in how she wouldn’t be found when I heard it on the news in the background.

Now there’s the Caylee Anthony case. A reality television show that nobody could have dreamed of. That poor little girl was murdered and thrown out like trash and her mother, Casey Anthony, in jail accused of killing her, rants to her parents that she’s lost everything and she does not mean her daughter.

I don’t like drama in my life. Maybe that’s why these high-profile cases attract my attention. I can watch the crazy drama and not have to live it.

There are so many things and situations that I’m grateful to not have experienced. I’ve had my excitement, I hope. I’ve had drama. I’ve lived on the edge and almost died. I like calm now.

I stopped in the woods Sunday while hiking so I could just listen. There was a stream flowing visible for at least half of the four-and-a-half mile hike. It made a beautiful sound. Sometimes I heard leaves rustling and prayed it wasn’t a rattlesnake.

My life is simplified of late.

For the past several months I’ve been working two jobs and trying to find time to promote my book. I’m no longer on a partial layoff; I’ve had all of my hours restored, so any time I work at the second job it’s extra income.

It’s been tough and it has changed me. The worry and stress about what might be has been bad. But here I am on the other side of that, at least this time around, this recession.

Life is good.

In other news: I sold another book internationally this weekend. This one is headed to France.

The books will make wonderful Christmas presents. It’s always fun to get a new book to start on January 1 and follow through the year.

My Many Hats

Sully the Beagle Pup

My life feels much like a whirlwind. But I am not complaining; I’m just regrouping.

It seems I wear many hats now. I have my “mom of a wild and crazy puppy hat,” which cleans up a lot of poop and pee and doesn’t get much sleep. But I am adored and the feeling is mutual … while eagerly awaiting puppy teeth to go away.

Then there’s the writer/reporter hat that I’ve worn for about 10 years, only now I’m supposed to do what I did in 40 hours in just 32.

I’ve got my Game and Fish Commission hat that I wear mostly on Saturdays and also on days off from when I wear the writer/reporter hat.

And then there’s the hat of many colors: the author, publisher, marketer hat. Yes, I’ve been peddling “Living Life Inside Out,” for a couple of weeks now. Sales have been good so far, but stretching outside of my circle of friends is going to take a lot of work, not to mention stepping way outside of my comfort zone.

I’m not a salesman. I never have been one. I’ve tried it briefly as a profession, but I just don’t bullsh*t well. And while my self-esteem has grown a lot over the past few years, I certainly don’t enjoy selling myself. Since so much of me is in my book it’s just difficult for me to push it.

My theory is that if someone reads it they will want to buy another for a friend or family member. I’ve already had a few comments from people telling me how a particular meditation for that day spoke to them and how they needed to read what they did.

I told my mother that I thought I’d send one to Oprah. She said I dream big. Maybe. But why not?  I told a couple of other people the same thing. One said, go for it. The other said: Oprah may never see it, but one of her staff that does could be the person that’s supposed to.

The way I see it, I was led to write the book. What it is or what it becomes is out of my hands, but I do have to get it out there so those who need it will have the opportunity to be led to it.

So I wear all of my hats proudly. Some I like more than others. A few I won’t even mention here because many would tell me that’s too much information.

God Never Gives You More Than You Can Handle

 

It is often said that God never gives you more than you can handle. To that I say, okay God, enough already!

I’m not here to whine, but things haven’t been too rosy for me in a while. Last year I lost a pet and two friends. So far in 2009 I have had a partial layoff at work (hours and pay cut by 20 percent), and I lost my very best friend.

Buddy, the best boy in the world, my 11-and-a-half-year old beagle, got sick last week and after seeing the third veterinarian I finally got some answers and they weren’t good. He was in liver and kidney failure. The vet, Buddy, and I fought the battle for a few days, but healing and recovery were not to be.

I had amazing support from friends and family. I know that a lot of prayers were said. And I know those prayers worked because I’m handling this lots better than I would have expected. That’s not to say I haven’t been really sad, or that I haven’t cried a lot, but I’m moving forward with life while going through the inevitable grieving process.

One amazing thing that occurred was that I had my portrait made with Buddy just a little over a month before his time ran out. And I really wanted to wait until the spring green was blossoming, but for some reason planned it in March when things were still mostly brown and dormant. I’ve posted one of those pictures here. The portrait shoot was for my book cover. It’s not that I don’t have a million pictures of him, give or take, but now I have professional portraits too.

Loving another, whether it’s a pet or person can often leave us in a place of grieving because of loss, but I wouldn’t trade my time with him for anything. I’ll get another dog, probably sooner than later, and Buddy will always be in my heart.

As for the job cutback, I have been fortunate. I have a part-time job to fill in the gaps during May. It’s a temporary job working for the Arkansas Game and Fish Commission at the Nature Center in Little Rock. I have some freelance work I’m trying to land that will carry me through the summer too. So things on that front aren’t too bad.

I hope that whatever lessons I’m supposed to be learning through all of this are sinking in. I certainly don’t want to have to keep trying to get it. I’m hoping to get moving on the book soon. I’m still trying to get the perfect photo for the front cover and once that is captured it should move along rather quickly.

I know one of the lessons that I’m learning is not to give up no matter how tough things get. Just around the corner are blessings and love. And as some say, God never gives you more than you can handle.

The Rough Times

Most of us have been affected by the terrible economic times at hand. We began to feel the pinch a year or so ago and hoped that it would end sooner than later, but unfortunately not only is it not at the end, it’s been said that things will get worse before they get better.

There are major layoffs happening every day. What became the most startling to me was when two of the four hospitals in my city laid off employees. Who would ever expect massive layoffs in the medical field? People get sick and need health care. However, with so many losing their jobs comes higher numbers of people with no insurance. And there are few hospitals that will treat you if you don’t have the money to pay. And then there are those who have decided against elective surgeries because they just don’t have the money or they aren’t letting go of what they do have because the news is so bad for everyone.

I work in the media, that’s my “real” job. I’m a writer/reporter for a nationally published newspaper that covers the trucking industry. Part of my job is to watch the Associated Press wire for news related to trucking and things that affect truck drivers. Thus I’m constantly aware of layoffs. Every time someone gets laid off the circle of those affected spreads larger than just that person or their immediate family.

Unfortunately newspapers are closing all around the country. Media folks, including those who work for newspapers that have not shut down, are laying off employees. Those that have yet to invoke layoffs are cutting hours and thus pay.

And ours is one of those. It was announced one week ago that our hours would be cut 20 percent, which means a 20 percent cut in pay that is already not the best pay there is to have.

We still have insurance benefits, for now, and can use whatever vacation we have saved to supplement until that runs out. And we weren’t simply laid off, although from what I hear that’s coming in a few months. So things could get worse.

In the meantime, I struggle with all of the things I “preach” in the former entries in this blog, when those words were written as part of my soon-to-be published daily meditation book. I worry too much, I obsess and forget to pray, I lose sleep, and I don’t trust God to take care of me. I forget that I am being taken care of and that I can think outside the box. I don’t remember that when God closes a door He opens a window. Basically I don’t give myself enough credit to believe that I’m strong enough to make it.

Honestly, I’ve hit bottom already and thought I was done with that. Back in 1993 I was there. I essentially should have died, but for a reason I was given a second or third or hundredth chance. And here I am with so much more wisdom and knowledge than I had then. And in 1993 I was alone and pulled myself up by my bootstraps and moved on with life. From the pits of depression and the financial bottom I had put myself in, I climbed out. I started over.

I don’t wish to start over this time. I would like to think that the degree I went back to school for in 1994 and managed to finish at age 40 is worth something. But in this economy it may just be that I end up at rock bottom financially again.

I’ll survive. I’ll be stronger yet again for my struggle. And I’ll know that I can make it through whatever life throws at me.

I still plan to get the book out in a few months. Who knows if at that time I’ll still be a writer/reporter at my day job, or if I’ll be cleaning toilets and mowing yards. But I know I’ll survive whatever I find myself doing.

Difficult Times

“The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees opportunity in every difficulty.”
—Winston Churchill

Times of difficulty may challenge our inner core. They may cause us to lose faith in God and everything else we believe in. When difficulties continue, when we can see no end in sight, it is very easy to fall into not only a pessimistic viewpoint of the world, but also we can find ourselves falling into depression.

Trying times can be dealt with even when it seems there is no solution. The first thing we can do is take things one at a time. We can take each moment and each day at a time and not put the whole world and all of our issues on our shoulders at once.

If we continue to seek something and we can’t quite grasp it, perhaps a job or relationship, we may need to really think about things and see if we are causing our own failures.

If, for instance, we have been seeking employment for an extended period of time, but we cannot seem to get hired, even when we are qualified and get interviews, there is something going on that is in our control. Is it something we are not being truthful about on our resume that is picked up on in the interview? Or maybe we push too hard and say what we think the interviewer wants us to say, whether it’s what we really believe?

If we continue to run into walls, in whatever we are attempting and failing at, we may need to seek advice from a trusted friend. We can keep spinning our wheels and insisting the problem lies outside of us, or we can look within and see if we are causing our own stumbling blocks in life.

Some difficulties are things that are not in our control. If the economy is bad there’s little we can do about the cost of necessities, but we can control our spending on things that we just do not need.

When faced with hard times, it is important to reach out for help from those we trust. We don’t have to face everything alone, and often others can see things that we just cannot see when we are in the midst of difficulty. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. Whining about how bad things are is not asking for help.

When we seek help from someone it’s important to be completely honest and not withhold certain information. If we truly want help we can’t expect someone to be there if we cannot be honest.

Difficult times happen to everyone, it’s your choice how you deal with it.

Learning By Doing

“As one goes through life one learns that if you don’t paddle your own canoe, you don’t move.”
—Katharine Hepburn

No matter how spoiled and coddled a person is in their childhood, or some even as adults, real life experiences both with successes and failures, are what propel us through life, growth and recovery.

We may lament every time we perform at a level less than we expect of ourselves, but for every supposed failure we learn and grow. We don’t gain wisdom or strength through other people’s lives and experiences. We learn and grow when we attempt and fail and even when we do something with success because we did it.

Just as an athlete cannot become a professional or set a world record simply by watching how someone else did it, neither can we live our lives and make it on our journey with only observation as a tool. We learn what we can from others, sometimes we may avoid certain failures when we see another experience them. But as a rule our growth is ours from doing rather than seeing.

We may feel as if we paddle upstream at times. And perhaps we want others to do for us, but in the long run we gain much more wisdom, strength, and growth through our own actions. Even when the going gets tough, we can rest assured that we will come out on the other side of it with the experience that taught us something.

Even when the current is rough, you must paddle if you want to get through it.

Playing it Safe

“If you’re never scared or embarrassed or hurt, it means you never take any chances.”
—Julia Soul

Rarely, if ever, will we find a person who has never had any fear or hurt or found themselves in an embarrassing situation. We all have fears and anxiety about things that are not in our comfort zones. And we all make mistakes that cause us to feel embarrassed.

We can go through life always playing it safe, never taking a risk, or venturing out to do things we have never tried before. If we do this we will avoid embarrassing situations for the most part. Of course, we won’t get to have as much fun and we won’t grow much as people. We probably will become bored if we aren’t already.

The opportunities we have in life very often contain things which we fear and we may fail when we first attempt them and feel like fools, but in living full lives we must, as Eleanor Roosevelt said, “do the thing you think you cannot do.”

We don’t have to start with every challenge or fear, but we need to start with something. We can do one thing that we have fear about. If we’re afraid of water we can take swimming lessons. Maybe we’re afraid of heights so we start with a height we can manage and go up a little more. If we’re afraid to go to school we can start with one class and see how that goes and then take more in the future after we see that we can manage it.

It’s up to us if we want to live or exist. Letting fear stop us, playing it safe is the easy way, but not the most rewarding. We can and will conquer those things that hold us back when we truly give it a shot.

Hiding behind a fear will only keep you hidden.

Taking Action

“If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never have it. If you don’t ask, the answer is always no. If you don’t step forward, you’re always in the same place.”
—Nora Roberts

It all sounds so simple when we think about it, but we tend to make life more difficult by over thinking and worrying about what could be.

We never get anywhere if we are always stuck at a crossroads unable to move left or right or forward. We must make choices and take risks at least daily, but usually many times each day. Every situation offers us the opportunity to sit silently in fear or to move forward. We may face real risks or imaginary ones, but we only fail when we don’t act.

We can choose our battles wisely. We don’t have to go skydiving or take a dangerous whitewater rafting expedition to say we’ve faced fear. Some of us fear a job change, ending or beginning a relationship, or some other simpler decision.

Indecision can become a block in our lives. We may need to ask questions, research our next move, but stating that we don’t have knowledge of what to do is not an excuse that will get us far in life.

Most of what we fear is the unknown. Sometimes this unknown can be scarier than being stuck in a bad situation, but we must face it if we wish to move forward in our lives. In order to get where we want to be we will likely face many challenges and must make a lot of decisions. Occasionally we’ll make the wrong one, but that’s not reason enough to give up.

Taking action is what gets us to the next place.

Overcoming Weakness

“A man’s greatest strength develops at the point where he overcomes his greatest weakness.”
—Elmer G. Letterman

Everyone has weak spots, things in our lives that must be worked on more than others. Some because of what was done to us, some from things we did to ourselves, and others just something we were born with.

Weakness in any area of life does not always equal bad or wrong. It just means something that we must spend more time nurturing. Often what was once our greatest weakness becomes a strong point for us.
There are many people in the world who have overcome great obstacles to become presidents, CEOs, great parents, champion level athletes, and so forth. Bookstores and movie rental stores are filled with the stories of these people who grew up with nothing and made themselves into something not only good, but sometimes great. And there are those who may have been born with disease or handicap who rather than using that for an excuse turned it around to help others.

Just because we don’t have every gift and talent in existence does not limit us from using what we do have.  While we nurture what is weak, we also remember to develop and use those things about us that we are strong in.

And while we grow strong in our weaknesses we will remain humble in knowing that we are not perfect just as nobody else is.  Overcoming weaknesses is one way we grow. None of us would grow or mature much if everything was simple, or easy, or given to us.

We grow strong because we have things to overcome.

Keep On Keeping On

“Don’t give up before the miracle happens.”
—Unknown

We have choices about things in life. When defeat, rejection, loss, and other negative events happen in our lives we can give up, or we can forge on with hope of a renewed strength for the future.

Even when we lose at love, or think we cannot face that thing again that keeps bringing us pain, or that we just cannot take one more step. Do it anyway. Keep going. Don’t give up; because sometimes we may just give up before the miracle.

What if we quit and that thing we so much desired in our life was just around the corner? If we had just struggled one more day, or held on one more moment, or maybe let go just one last time we might have made it. We won’t know the answer to those questions if we give up, if we quit before the end.

It’s hard. Life lessons are difficult. Pain and loss are not fun and sometimes we just don’t care that through all those troubling times we grow spiritually and mature. It’s still icky and we don’t want to experience any of the down times. And there are times in our lives when it seems those painful events just start to pile on top of one another until we feel buried beneath them so deep we honestly don’t know if we can dig out.

But we need to do it anyway. We must move forward, feeling all the painful emotions along the way so we can move past them. Not feeling things and just girding up and moving on won’t really make things any better or easier. We’ll just get struck with the feelings later on down the road of our journey.

So keep on keeping on, feel what you feel, cry and vent as you need to, but don’t give up. What you want may be right around the next turn and if you stop now you will miss out.

Don’t give up because you might be inches from that thing you want.