Life Has Changed for the Better

My life is still turned upside down, sort of.

I held another snake the other day.

On Sunday I went hiking — all day — and the yard needs to be cut, the house is filthy, and I’m working the next 11 days in a row and then leaving town for a few days, and I’m not worried about any of it.

What has happened to me?

Did you catch that? I held another snake. Yikes. Not a big deal, you might think. For me it is.

What’s happening, what happened to me? Did I finally figure out I’m not that big of a deal? Did I realize just how little control I have on the world and that I don’t have to keep all the plates spinning?

I keep up with high profile murder and missing person cases. I think I started that with Jon Benet Ramsey, or I might have picked up on that later while reading online about another case. I remember a lot about the O.J. Simpson case. I remember where I was when I heard that Laci Peterson was missing. When Elizabeth Smart was found I was online on a crime forum typing in how she wouldn’t be found when I heard it on the news in the background.

Now there’s the Caylee Anthony case. A reality television show that nobody could have dreamed of. That poor little girl was murdered and thrown out like trash and her mother, Casey Anthony, in jail accused of killing her, rants to her parents that she’s lost everything and she does not mean her daughter.

I don’t like drama in my life. Maybe that’s why these high-profile cases attract my attention. I can watch the crazy drama and not have to live it.

There are so many things and situations that I’m grateful to not have experienced. I’ve had my excitement, I hope. I’ve had drama. I’ve lived on the edge and almost died. I like calm now.

I stopped in the woods Sunday while hiking so I could just listen. There was a stream flowing visible for at least half of the four-and-a-half mile hike. It made a beautiful sound. Sometimes I heard leaves rustling and prayed it wasn’t a rattlesnake.

My life is simplified of late.

For the past several months I’ve been working two jobs and trying to find time to promote my book. I’m no longer on a partial layoff; I’ve had all of my hours restored, so any time I work at the second job it’s extra income.

It’s been tough and it has changed me. The worry and stress about what might be has been bad. But here I am on the other side of that, at least this time around, this recession.

Life is good.

In other news: I sold another book internationally this weekend. This one is headed to France.

The books will make wonderful Christmas presents. It’s always fun to get a new book to start on January 1 and follow through the year.

Getting Off the Roller-Coaster Ride

“Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm and harmony.”
—Thomas Merton

Most of us say we want to have peace in our lives. We want peace and joy, but we don’t act like it. Instead we live our lives as if we are on a roller-coaster vacillating between the highs and lows and feeling as if something is wrong when we do find that we are in a place of peace.

When we are in the midst of feeling a lot of joy we know that it won’t last forever so when change comes, and it always does, we don’t need to be distraught and get depressed. Just like when we are down and out about something we must remember that this too shall pass and something will come along to bring us joy.

When we get off the roller-coaster ride that many of us have spent a great portion of our lives on, we may not find peace to be a place of comfort. We may think something is wrong with us because we just don’t feel too much of anything. However, not to worry, because more than likely if we’re active and living a full life but not having all the highs and lows that we have grown accustomed to we probably have found peace.

When life if full of intensity and stress it’s usually full of anger and pain. Living a life on the edge may be fun at times, the highs are great, but the lows are not so much fun. A more level-headed lifestyle can bring just as much happiness without falling into the depth of despair when we fall off the high.

Balance, peace, and harmony may not feel very exciting, but they are the best places to be.

Slowing Down

“Slow down and enjoy life. It’s not only the scenery you miss by going too fast — you also miss the sense of where you are going and why.”
—Eddie Cantor

Most of us are so busy moving from one task to the next that we might as well be sleepwalking because that would match our awareness of our surroundings. We finish one thing so we can do the next, but we don’t much think about what we are doing.

When we rush through things we probably don’t perform tasks as well as we would if we put our full concentration and attention on the task at hand. Rushing makes us more apt to make mistakes, too.

And if that’s not enough the pace with which we operate is stress producing and bad for our health. Most likely when we are rushing around from task to task we don’t eat right. We may eat the wrong foods and eat on the run; and we may either skip meals or overeat. It’s unlikely that when we are so busy we take time to not only prepare healthy meals, but to actually sit down and eat them at a healthy pace.

The old saying that life is a journey not a destination fits here. The journey is what’s important. All of the relationships along the way; the opportunities to learn and grow; the chance to dance in the rain or soak up the sun; the smell of fresh cut grass; giggling with a friend; and many more things cannot be experienced fully in a rush.

Life is short; moving at a slower pace enables you to live it more fully.

Staying Grounded

“A truly wise person will not be carried away by any of the eight winds: prosperity, decline, disgrace, honor, praise, censure, suffering, pleasure.”
—Nichiren

Life does blow us different winds over the years. Sometimes we can experience the highs and lows within hours or days. Of course when we are on the down side in decline, disgrace, censure, or suffering, it seems as if time stands still and we remain stuck in that place forever. Yet when we are honored, praised, full of joy, or prospering, it seems to only last for moments.

We ought to not get too absorbed in either end of the feelings of life. When we do something worthy of praise and we receive it, there is often someone waiting to shoot us down for whatever it was we did.

We do deserve to enjoy life when things are going well. And it’s in the suffering and pain that we grow and learn. But what we don’t want to do is let either end of the spectrum dictate how we live our lives knowing that every person experiences highs and lows and places in between.

If we were to get too carried away when we do something great our egos would become so big that nobody would want to be around us. And likewise if we wallow in self-pity all the time we won’t have people knocking down our doors trying to spend time with us. It’s certainly okay to feel good about ourselves when we have done a good thing. And when we fail in some way it’s okay as well. We forgive ourselves and try to do better in the future.

There are also times when what we are feeling isn’t true to what is happening in life. Or sometimes people aren’t honest and true to us. They may offer false praise in order to gain our favor. And at other times we are beaten up and beaten down by those who are jealous or treat us badly for some other reason.

Whatever we are experiencing, we need to honor our own feelings and not rely on the outside world to dictate how we feel about ourselves. We do this by not giving our power over to others or even to the ups or downs of our days.

Feel what you feel but don’t let any of it overpower you.

Have Some Fun

“We’ve got to learn hard things in our lifetime, but it’s love that gives you the strength. It’s being nice to people and having a lot of fun and laughing harder than anything, hopefully every single day of your life.”
—Drew Barrymore

Living life as we know it is busy. At times we find it difficult to get enough time to sleep. We move from one task to another, from one thing to another. We rush here and there and get caught in traffic jams. Life is stressful and harried most of the time.

We have to make time for fun. Having fun is healthy, it’s a good thing. Taking time off to relax can actually invigorate us to move forward in our tasks and projects.

We may have spent so much time in our lives busy that we have forgotten how to have fun. Some folks enjoy a long hot bath, others love to go to a movie or live play, yet another may enjoy gardening and find that to be fun. What’s relaxing and fun for some may be work for others, but the important thing is to find what it is that is fun to us and then make sure we do that thing.

If we’re not having fun, most likely we are not getting enough sleep. We probably eat on the run, and stay under a lot of stress. Having some fun is like a release valve that allows some of the stress and tension to leave us so that we are better able to cope with the pressures of life.

We can have fun while we work if we allow ourselves to. And if the job we have is not conducive to having some fun while there, we either need another job or we have to ensure we get that fun when we are not working.

The world won’t fall apart if we take some time off to laugh and play. Sometimes playing with a child can be the best release. Children don’t have the worries of the world on their shoulders; they play and don’t worry about what isn’t getting done while they do it. For those who don’t know how to let go and play, go watch children, join them if you can and stop worrying about life for a few minutes.

Find some fun things that release your stress and do them.

Knowing Our Limits

“A ‘no’ uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a ‘yes’ merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble.”
—Mohandas Gandhi

In life whether it is at work, in relationships, groups, churches, families, or anywhere we are involved with others, there are times when we are asked to do more than we can do. What is important is that we know our limits.

We need to know how much we can handle in our lives before we are overwhelmed and stressed out. And sometimes we may be able to handle more than at other times so it isn’t always easy to know from month to month. Remember, too, that it doesn’t matter if someone else can handle more than you, they may be overstressed and neglecting important things out of a need to please by doing so much.

If we are busy doing a lot of different things in our lives, activities beyond work and caring for our homes and families, and we feel like something is getting neglected because we are so busy, it may be time to stop some activity, and it’s important not to take on more. It doesn’t matter if someone thinks we would be the perfect person to fill a need, if we don’t have time to do it and still take care of our current obligations we should say no.

Sometimes it is very hard to say no. We may be flattered that we were asked. We probably want to please whoever asked and those we would serve, but if taking on new tasks is going to cost us something that we are not willing to lose, then we must not do it. If we can give up one obligation to take on a new one, then that’s a possible solution.

The important thing is that we take care of ourselves in this busy world. We get enough sleep, eat right, relax, have fun, and take care of all of our obligations. If there’s room for other things in our lives then it’s not a problem, but taking care of our self must come first or we serve nobody. And when we get overburdened and overwhelmed we don’t have much to offer anyone.

Know your limits and take care of yourself so when you do give it’s out of a healthy place.

Do It Now

“Procrastination usually results in sorrowful regret. Today’s duties put off until tomorrow give us a double burden to bear; the best way is to do them in their proper time.”
—Ida Scott Taylor

Most of us have problems with procrastination. Usually what we put off are those things we just don’t like to do, but sometimes we procrastinate doing things we enjoy as well.

One thing to keep in mind when putting off until tomorrow or next week, something that we could do right now, is to not allow things to reach a crisis mode. It is so easy for things to snowball into something big when we don’t take care of them as we ought to.

A talk with a significant other about a problem if put off too long can escalate into a huge argument because we took on so much emotional energy over time when we could have handled it sooner and not had a fight. Sitting the children down for some parental guidance before there’s an incident may fend off a crisis involving problems at school or worse.

Then of course there are physical situations that need to be taken care of before they turn into disasters. Or maybe we don’t like particular things about our jobs and we put them off until the last minute and then have extra added stress that we could have avoided.

Some folks like to do the most disliked tasks first so they can enjoy the rest of the day. Getting out of the habit of doing things late or at the last minute is something that can ease the anxiety in our lives. When something is hanging over us that needs to be done it takes away from pleasurable things.

And often when we feel overwhelmed it’s because we have let things build up until it appears there is no way to complete everything. Finding balance in our lives is dependent upon not taking on more than we can handle, but it also means doing what we need to do to complete those things we have taken upon ourselves.

Take care of things now before they reach crisis mode.

Watch Yourself

“Self-observation brings man to the realization of the necessity of self-change. And in observing himself a man notices that self-observation itself brings about certain changes in his inner processes. He begins to understand that self-observation is an instrument of self-change, a means of awakening.”
—George Gurdjieff

As with anything familiar, we sometimes forget to observe our own behaviors and thoughts. But it is important to stop and watch ourselves, listen to what we say and think during our daily routines.

How do we treat others? Are we kind and loving, or do we just expect those kinds of behaviors from others when, in fact, we are being mean and hateful? Do we offer thanks and compliments to those who do things for us or who we observe doing things for others? Do we do simple things like letting someone into traffic or holding doors open for others? Are we constantly making fun of someone else or gossiping all the time?

How we behave is symptomatic of what’s on the inside of us. And we may not even realize what’s on the inside — our anger, fear, pain, etc. — until we see ourselves acting out in ways that are not how we really want to behave. If we observe our actions consciously we may be able to change something about ourselves right away, or what we see may trigger in us a new area we need to work on.

Another thing to be aware of is how we treat ourselves. Are we eating right and getting exercise? Do we get enough rest and sleep? Do we balance socializing with alone time? When we are healthy physically and emotionally we will treat others better. It’s difficult to have good emotional or physical health when either one is being neglected.

Observing ourselves with honesty and without judgment is the best way. We don’t do it to beat ourselves up, but rather to know what’s really going on within us, which may answer some questions we have about what’s going on outside of us. We learn from watching and from there we make whatever changes are necessary to be the person we wish to be.

Self-observation can answer a lot of questions and bring about change.

Staying the Course

“It’s a marathon, not a sprint.”
—Jason Priest

When we decide we want something or want to be able to do a new thing it’s difficult to have the patience to achieve it or to wait to get it. The quote above is something my guitar instructor has said to me several times in only a handful of lessons.

Yes, I want to know how to play now. But in order to start with zero knowledge and achieve a decent level of playing ability there is a lot of groundwork that goes into the learning process. It takes countless hours of practice playing scales and finger exercises, among other things, before one can even play a song.

As with many things in life though, it’s the long enduring journey rather than just deciding upon something and having it. Many times we give up before we get whatever it is we are trying to have.

Attending and graduating college is a good example of something that takes time and endurance. We take classes that we have no idea how they will help us with a particular job. A lot of it feels like a waste of time, but it’s just part of the deal. If nothing else, a college degree shows that a person can stick to something long enough to finish.

Most of what we have in life that means something to us took a lot of work and effort. It takes that in relationships, learning an instrument, getting a degree, building a house and numerous other situations. Things that come easy rarely give us a whole lot of pleasure or self worth.

Also to achieve the things we desire we must often compromise something else. If we want to get a degree, for instance, we may have to give up something that we enjoy while we attend classes and study. If we want to build a long-term relationship with someone we might have to give up certain things sometimes to spend time with that person. Just as with learning an instrument, relationships take patience and time.

If we truly want to achieve or have a particular thing we will do what it takes to do that. If we don’t care much one way or the other, it will show and eventually we’ll let the thing fall to the wayside. Most of us lead busy lives. Yet we want to do new things and stretch who we are. We may want to find someone to spend our life with, learn a new trade, or learn something for fun, like a musical instrument. Most likely that will take compromise. We have to decide if it’s worth giving up something else to fit in what we say we desire. If not, then we really don’t want it much.

If we really desire something we will compromise and do what it takes to have it.

Finding Joy

“Joy is but the sign that creative emotion is fulfilling its purpose.”
—Charles Du Bos

Our lives are often filled with busy days and nights. We work too much, we do volunteer work, we care for our children or our parents, we have things we must get done before we ever feel like we can just do what would bring us joy.

Jim Croce’s song “Time in a Bottle” sums it up in a few words: “But there never seems to be enough time to do the things you want to do once you find them ….” And it does seem to be true that even when we know what will bring us joy and pleasure we have difficulty getting to it.

And sadly some people don’t even know what would make them happy. If we don’t know what brings us joy, it’s time to find out. Look for what brings you joy and do that.

Some people find it growing things in a garden, or building a deck, others in rocking a baby, or perhaps singing in a choir or learning a new instrument, and still others might create a drawing or painting. Whatever place that joy can be found it’s important to go there.

Even if someone told us we couldn’t have fun in life or we have always thought that we had to be serious all the time and only work hard, it’s time to let go of that thinking and find some joy.

Joyful people are more loving people because they love themselves. If a person is filled with joy they cannot help but spill that over onto other people.

Life does not have to be all about work. It’s OK to have fun. It’s OK to laugh. It’s OK to find pleasure and have joy.

Find what brings you joy and do it.