The Rough Times

Most of us have been affected by the terrible economic times at hand. We began to feel the pinch a year or so ago and hoped that it would end sooner than later, but unfortunately not only is it not at the end, it’s been said that things will get worse before they get better.

There are major layoffs happening every day. What became the most startling to me was when two of the four hospitals in my city laid off employees. Who would ever expect massive layoffs in the medical field? People get sick and need health care. However, with so many losing their jobs comes higher numbers of people with no insurance. And there are few hospitals that will treat you if you don’t have the money to pay. And then there are those who have decided against elective surgeries because they just don’t have the money or they aren’t letting go of what they do have because the news is so bad for everyone.

I work in the media, that’s my “real” job. I’m a writer/reporter for a nationally published newspaper that covers the trucking industry. Part of my job is to watch the Associated Press wire for news related to trucking and things that affect truck drivers. Thus I’m constantly aware of layoffs. Every time someone gets laid off the circle of those affected spreads larger than just that person or their immediate family.

Unfortunately newspapers are closing all around the country. Media folks, including those who work for newspapers that have not shut down, are laying off employees. Those that have yet to invoke layoffs are cutting hours and thus pay.

And ours is one of those. It was announced one week ago that our hours would be cut 20 percent, which means a 20 percent cut in pay that is already not the best pay there is to have.

We still have insurance benefits, for now, and can use whatever vacation we have saved to supplement until that runs out. And we weren’t simply laid off, although from what I hear that’s coming in a few months. So things could get worse.

In the meantime, I struggle with all of the things I “preach” in the former entries in this blog, when those words were written as part of my soon-to-be published daily meditation book. I worry too much, I obsess and forget to pray, I lose sleep, and I don’t trust God to take care of me. I forget that I am being taken care of and that I can think outside the box. I don’t remember that when God closes a door He opens a window. Basically I don’t give myself enough credit to believe that I’m strong enough to make it.

Honestly, I’ve hit bottom already and thought I was done with that. Back in 1993 I was there. I essentially should have died, but for a reason I was given a second or third or hundredth chance. And here I am with so much more wisdom and knowledge than I had then. And in 1993 I was alone and pulled myself up by my bootstraps and moved on with life. From the pits of depression and the financial bottom I had put myself in, I climbed out. I started over.

I don’t wish to start over this time. I would like to think that the degree I went back to school for in 1994 and managed to finish at age 40 is worth something. But in this economy it may just be that I end up at rock bottom financially again.

I’ll survive. I’ll be stronger yet again for my struggle. And I’ll know that I can make it through whatever life throws at me.

I still plan to get the book out in a few months. Who knows if at that time I’ll still be a writer/reporter at my day job, or if I’ll be cleaning toilets and mowing yards. But I know I’ll survive whatever I find myself doing.

Staying Calm

“The most important skill in staying calm is not to lose sleep over small issues. The second most important skill is to be able to view all issues as small issues.”
—Paul Wilson

The stresses of life can at times seem overwhelming, yet when we get wound up and worried about what’s to come or what has happened we really don’t make things any better.

Peace and serenity can be ours with much practice, patience, letting go, and letting God. We do not have to sweat the small stuff. By keeping in mind that which we do have the power to change and that which we do not will help us keep things in perspective.

Frustration is an easy thing to come by, but when we learn to let go of that which really just does not matter and those things we can’t do anything about anyway, we will find ourselves more in a place of peace and calm than anxious.

The ebbs and flows of life promise that whatever is going on will eventually change whether we’re on the upside of things or feeling rather down. As much as we resist change it is part of life and healing too.

The people in our lives can cause frustration for us as well. We cannot and should not control others so it’s best not to even mull over in our minds how they could better live their lives.

It’s impossible to stay calm in the midst of attempting to control the world around us. Serenity starts from within and spreads across our lives if we can give it a chance, just as much as frustration can send us into a tailspin.

Start from within to find calm and serenity will fill your life.

This Too Shall Pass

“Don’t worry about a thing,
‘Cause every little thing gonna be all right.
Singin’: “Don’t worry about a thing,
‘Cause every little thing gonna be all right!”
—Bob Marley (song lyrics)

There are times in our lives that it feels like when it rains it pours. We may have a succession of difficult things to deal with and as soon as one situation is resolved, or healed, another one pops up. 

And while we probably don’t feel like we handle it well, we probably aren’t the best judge of that when we are in the midst of all of the trauma and turmoil.

One thing that helps is to let go and let God. Yes, this is so much easier said than done, but one thing that may be helpful is when we get something catchy like the song above stuck in our head. Every time we start to feel the panic of what’s to come, the unknown, we can call the song to mind and it really will ease the tension.

Things do work out. Maybe they don’t go the way we want, and perhaps we have to go through a lot of discomfort and loss to get through the rough patches, life is change. Nothing stays the same, whether it is when we are feeling on top of the world, or feel like hiding under a rock. Change happens.

And because of change we can know that this too shall pass. Everything is going to be alright. Whenever we are in the middle of what seems to be never ending stress, we can rest assured that one day this will turn around.

Let go and let God. Sing a catchy song. Listen to music. Scream into a pillow. Meditate and pray. Rest. Work out. Go for a walk on a sunny day. All of these things are options to help us through the rough patches.

Never give up, even when the going gets rough, because everything will come around and it’ll be alright.

Doing Our Best

“God makes three requests of his children: Do the best you can, where you are, with what you have, now.”
—African-American Proverb

Life, with all of its challenges and decisions, really comes down to one simple thing: doing the best we can do with what we have. And our best can change with time if we are learning and growing, it’s just that in the very moment where we are, we only have the potential to do our best, not what another person can do.

As a beginning guitar player sometimes at home I can work through my music and play pretty well. I may not play it perfectly, but for me I can see progress and be proud. But let me show up for my music lesson and rather than hitting a few bum notes, I’m doing good to hit a few good notes. It’s performance anxiety that causes me to function less than I am truly capable. It’s my issue of worrying about what someone else thinks about what I’m doing or even about me that causes nervousness to be an issue.

What we must keep in mind as we go through our lives and meet various challenges is that nobody expects us to do anything but what we are capable of doing. If the quote above is true, then even God only expects us to do our best. We don’t have to worry about what someone else thinks if we aren’t harming them. We really can only do our best so there’s no reason to worry about doing anything more.

We all do things that others wish they had the skills for. We don’t think less of them for not being able to perform a task well that we can do without much thought or effort. Most of us will never play quarterback as well as Peyton Manning, nor be as good of a musician as Eric Clapton, or even be able to act as well as Reese Witherspoon, but it doesn’t stop us from performing our best within our lives. And as great as those three people are at the tasks they perform, I’m sure each and every one of them spent countless hours learning their trade, and still do practice in order to be skilled.

We strive to grow and learn new things, but we don’t berate ourselves when we are not able to perform as good or learn as quickly as we would like. We just keep trying.

Doing nothing is the only assurance of not making a mistake.

Inner Peace

“Do not lose your inward peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset.”
—Saint Francis De Sales

There are a few things we can count on in this world and one of those is that sometimes we will have a bad day for no apparent reason, or basically that things won’t always go the way we want them to no matter how hard we try or what we do.

But if we have true inner peace, when the storms of life hit us, we will be able to remain calm in the midst of it knowing that no matter what, we will be okay. We can remain peaceful knowing that no amount of anxiety or worry is going to change a situation.

Having inner peace is something that most likely has to be developed. It’s based on trust and faith. Usually we have it after experiences have taught us that it is possible to be at peace when things get crazy outside of ourselves.

Many times when we feel like we are going to lose control, our temper, or otherwise “freak out,” we can be reminded that it is okay to relieve our stress in healthy ways. That won’t make us lose our inner peace. We can cry and scream if we need to. Maybe we can work our frustration out on a punching bag, or go for a long hike or run.

Prayer and meditation have been proven to be effective means of gaining and keeping inner peace. Self-love — including a good level of self-esteem — and inner peace go hand in hand. We can’t have inner peace if we don’t feel capable of making good decisions or if we are behaving in unhealthy ways.

Some of the other keys to having and keeping inner peace involve forgiveness and acceptance. Knowing that others aren’t any more perfect than we are and allowing them to be that way. We also understand our humanness and allow ourselves to make mistakes without being too hard on us.

Knowing our limits by having the ability to say no when we are overwhelmed and yes when that is a good answer for us will also allow for inner peace. Just as unexpected events can draw on our reserves, so too can things we knowingly put ourselves in the middle of. Being aware of what we are doing, living a conscience life is also essential to having inner peace.

There are things outside of our control and within our control that can take away from or add to our inner peace. It’s up to us to decide if having inner peace is something we desire. If it is we will be willing to do what it takes to have it.

Inner peace takes effort, but so does the opposite.

Do It Now

“Procrastination usually results in sorrowful regret. Today’s duties put off until tomorrow give us a double burden to bear; the best way is to do them in their proper time.”
—Ida Scott Taylor

Most of us have problems with procrastination. Usually what we put off are those things we just don’t like to do, but sometimes we procrastinate doing things we enjoy as well.

One thing to keep in mind when putting off until tomorrow or next week, something that we could do right now, is to not allow things to reach a crisis mode. It is so easy for things to snowball into something big when we don’t take care of them as we ought to.

A talk with a significant other about a problem if put off too long can escalate into a huge argument because we took on so much emotional energy over time when we could have handled it sooner and not had a fight. Sitting the children down for some parental guidance before there’s an incident may fend off a crisis involving problems at school or worse.

Then of course there are physical situations that need to be taken care of before they turn into disasters. Or maybe we don’t like particular things about our jobs and we put them off until the last minute and then have extra added stress that we could have avoided.

Some folks like to do the most disliked tasks first so they can enjoy the rest of the day. Getting out of the habit of doing things late or at the last minute is something that can ease the anxiety in our lives. When something is hanging over us that needs to be done it takes away from pleasurable things.

And often when we feel overwhelmed it’s because we have let things build up until it appears there is no way to complete everything. Finding balance in our lives is dependent upon not taking on more than we can handle, but it also means doing what we need to do to complete those things we have taken upon ourselves.

Take care of things now before they reach crisis mode.

Facing Our Giants

“You will not be free
Hanging on to things
That hold you back & hurt
That question all your worth
That make you feel afraid…”
—Christine Havrilla (song lyrics)

We all have things that hold us back and hurt. Many of us have carried these things with us since we were small children. And some of us even after therapy and lots of emotional and spiritual growth cannot completely let the “things” go no matter how hard we try.

What we can do though is move forward despite whatever it is that is an obstacle for us. Even if we don’t do it great and even if we cry and our hands shake all the way through it, we still only make progress by attempting, never by sitting still and saying we can’t.

For me there are many of these things and mostly they are performance anxiety related. When I returned to college as an adult I was determined that I would take speech class and get it out of the way, and if I did that I could make it through school. Because I have such fear of public speaking it was very difficult. For my final speech I presented information about panic attacks because many of my symptoms when “performing” in front of others are similar.

And not only did I make it through that class, I got an A and I ended up graduating from college. I had to give a few more speeches in other classes and it never got any easier, but I made it through.

No matter how many times I’ve had to perform in some aspect in front of others, no matter how afraid I was, or how bad my hands shook, or even the number of tears I cried, none of that ever killed me or even brought me great shame. I may never get to a place where I don’t have this level of fear, but if I don’t attempt to walk through it I know I will continue to carry it with me.

We are all human. We all have obstacles that hold us back and hurt. What we choose to do with those will determine a lot about where we can go in our lives. Walking through our fears, facing the giants, gives us character and strength.

Progress comes with attempting, never by sitting still and saying I can’t.

Living Now

“God made the world round so we would never be able to see too far down the road.”
—Isak Dinesen

Staying in the moment is not an easy thing to do. We are often either lamenting yesterday or worried about tomorrow. And more often than not we are trying to live our lives in the far off future.

When we stay stuck in the past we can’t move on to the next lesson and most likely we are missing out on what we’ve been given for today. What happened before is best left behind. We do this with prayer, letting go, forgiving, asking for forgiveness if needed, and possibly making amends to those we have harmed.

To live in the future also causes us to miss the moment and the lesson at hand. Worry about tomorrow, next week, next year, or whatever outcome we are stressing over, will not make something happen the way we want. Worry never solved anything. In fact, worry may sabotage our best interests. If we are in a constant state of worry, most likely there are a lot of negative thoughts associated with that. And those thoughts can become reality.

To not worry about the past or future does not mean we don’t take responsibility for what we’ve done or what we are going to do. It doesn’t mean living our lives without any planning or goals, it just means that we focus on the facts of a situation rather than the crazy things our minds try to tell us.

One tool that is helpful when we cannot let go of a particular troublesome thing is to ask ourselves, “Will what I’m worrying about, or the outcome of it, matter in five years?” Often what we are so upset about is something that won’t matter in five days, let alone down the road. But it could be something big enough to matter in five years, although worry itself won’t make a difference in anything. If some future issue is causing us to worry, and the outcome does matter in the future, we can take the steps to work on the decision, and take the best actions we know of to prepare for and solve it … all the while we can pray about it and turn it over to our Higher Power.

Life would be without growth if we had a fortune teller on hand.

Moving Forward Despite Fear

“The purpose of life is not to get rid of the butterflies in your stomach, but to make them fly in formation.”
—Unknown

Stepping out of our comfort zones into new realms of our lives often causes us to become anxious. Do it anyway. Most things that are worth having require effort, fear, and anxiety. Almost anything new we attempt is going to bring us some feelings that we may not necessarily like.

Fear and anxiety ought to not keep us from moving forward or from trying new things. The things in life that we had to work the hardest for most likely mean the most to us now. What we have that came easy is probably taken for granted.

What we can do is realize that anxiety and fear are normal parts of living. We learn to deal with them and take care of ourselves when they strike us. Just because we are scared, we don’t give up on something that we want, at least not until we’ve given it our best shot. Sometimes we aren’t meant to have something, but to give up on it because we have butterflies would be a mistake. If we are honest with ourselves we will know when it’s time to give up or move forward and it won’t be determined by the amount of fear we have.

Fear and anxiety can have a strong grip on us; they can keep us paralyzed and stuck in places that were fine for a time but that no longer suit us as we grow and evolve. We can look back and see many things we did that got us where we are today that probably caused a lot of stress for us, things we had a lot of fear about, but we walked through that and came out on the other side.

Unless we were spoiled and given everything we have, we have gone through a lot of fear and anxiety in life. Just keep those times in mind and see the victories that came with the effort when we trudged along through the muck of fear, stress and hard work.

Let the butterflies flutter they just mean we are alive and living fully.

Controlling Outcomes

“I do believe that when we face challenges in life that are far beyond our own power, it’s an opportunity to build on our faith, inner strength, and courage. I’ve learned that how we face challenges plays a big role in the outcome of them.”
—Sasha Azevedo

Rarely in the journey of life do we absolutely peg the outcome of particular paths and challenges that we face. We may desire things to turn out in one way and have the opposite happen, or things might turn out much better than we could have ever imagined they would.

Often when we are in the midst of something big in our lives we start projecting; thinking thoughts about the future. “What ifs” can drive us crazy if we allow ourselves to get out into tomorrow. We can start obsessing about the craziest things that might happen.

What does happen when we so desperately want to know the outcome is that we miss the journey. And as is often said, “It’s the journey, not the destination.” There’s a whole lot of life going on right this moment that we are absolutely going to miss out on if we are fretting about tomorrow, next week, next year, or our whole lifetime.

Turning the outcome of a thing over to our Higher Power helps us to let go of it and enjoy the moment. We really can’t control outcomes much. We can put our energy into something and give it our all, but we don’t have the final say in what will happen.

It’s very easy to get caught up in the “what ifs” and lose sight of the now. Usually the “what ifs” are not very pleasant because they are fear-based feelings. Turning the outcome over to God gives us more ability to let the “what ifs” go and turns our thinking into positive thoughts instead. And who knows, positive thinking might be better for the outcome than the negativity that comes with fearful “what ifs.”

Live the moment and leave the outcome to God.