Living Life Inside Out – The Book

The day I’ve been waiting for is almost here … the books have been shipped.

The expected arrival date is July 7.  

While waiting there are a few things I need to do to get beaglebirdpress.com ready so that mail order requests can be taken care of quickly. Hopefully that will be up and running before the books arrive.

It’s an exciting time as a vision and dream is coming true. And it’s also a time for new things as I set out to market my work to the world so that I can recoup what I’ve spent and hopefully turn my dream into a bestseller.

UPDATE: Go here to purchase your copy now.

Lies and Those Who Live By Them

I have trust issues. I won’t try to pretend that I don’t.

I’ve known three pathological liars in my life; probably more, but these I was close to. One was a high school friend, another was a relative, and the third was a boss I had for a period of time.

It usually takes a while to figure them out, but once you do it’s impossible from that time forward to believe a word they say. It’s a sickness for sure. But since I don’t play the blame game I believe that they are responsible for what they do. They can seek help. If they don’t know they lie, then it’s really serious.

The high school friend and I would often experience things that most teenagers do. I was often surprised to find that what I witnessed happening on our escapades was much more boring (but real) than what happened according to her. Things that we did were embellished beyond recognition. And if that weren’t enough, there were additions that never happened.

Sometimes I thought I had Alzheimer’s (not exactly that because I’m not sure it was a diagnosis in the late 70s, but maybe I just lost my memory). It wasn’t too long before I got tired of it and moved on with my life and left the lies behind.

About the relative, I better not go into too much detail about him. I realize that posting on the Internet is offering my words to millions if they were to find them. And since others in the family wish to keep what he does secret, it’s best for me to not post it on my blog. It’s their sickness, not mine. I have discussed it plenty and still do — I just don’t want to open a can of worms with the family.

And for the third of the liars I’ve known well: this one really takes the cake. It took me a while to figure out her lies. But from the moment I got it, things were never the same. She would show up late for work and say she had car trouble. Twice the same exact thing happened to her vehicle when she was in Texas and could not get home as planned to return to work.

She would lie about one employee to another in order to turn us against one another. Instead of working as a team, we were always at odds with one another.

One of the biggest lies and something that we laugh about to this day was when she said the reason the police from a neighboring jurisdiction came to see her at work was because she’d turned in a supposed drug house, meth lab or something, and they needed her to sign some paperwork.

The truth of the matter was, she had hot check charges and they were there about that. Once she was no longer with the company we continued to get numerous calls from those who held bad checks and were trying to locate her for payment.

Often I’d hear her phone conversation where she’d ask people on the other end of the phone if they could loan her money to pay the electric bill (or some other bill) as it had been shut off. She’d then fly out of the office telling us that her child was sick. This happened numerous times as well.

I learned long ago never to lie about something and use an illness or a child in the lie. Once, at another job, I needed a day off. I said I had a stomach virus. I was really rarely sick. So I had that Friday off. The problem was the very next Friday I had a stomach virus. It was so weird, that I will never use a lie to get a sick day at work. I may say I don’t feel well … but I’ll never give a specific diagnosis. I do believe in mental health days, especially for those who are rarely sick.

If you’re one of those people who lie and think you’re getting away with it, think again. We know your lies. It never takes that long to figure them out. Children may not get it while they’re young, but the day they do, your lies won’t work with them anymore.

And besides that, when you lie continually nobody believes a darn thing you say anymore even when you do tell the truth.

If you see yourself in the people I have just written about, please get help. Your lies damage all of your relationships, especially those closest to you. If you have children, you are teaching them not to trust. I can tell you from experience that having trust issues as an adult is a very difficult thing.

Memories of the Past and Issues in the Present

One day at my place of employment we had an office manager and the next day we didn’t. It seems she was sentenced to prison for forgery and theft from an employer she had before coming on board with us.

She had kept everything a secret, even from her family, only telling her husband that she had lost her job and everything would be fine. He had no idea what she was facing.

Her sentence is 20 years, with 10 of that to be served on probation. Many say she won’t serve more than two years in prison.

I feel for her family. I won’t go into detail but I’ve been where her children are. It’s not a good place and it’ll haunt them forever. She has a 10 year old daughter at home and two children away at college.

The children will suffer. They will be embarrassed and their reaction to what happened may have dire consequences. Their mom may get through this and never “mess up” again. And with time things will heal for the family.

On the other hand, if the behavior continues, the family will suffer through it as well. I know how this is and it’s a source of pain for those who are in that situation.

As one who has healed, who has had numerous sessions in therapy, done a lot of introspection, and more, to heal not only from what others have done that affected me, but also what I did in reaction to that and to my low self esteem, I can say I hope and pray they get the help they need — that this woman gets the help she needs so that her behaviors won’t continue to damage her family.

What we do does help or hurt others. We may think we are only responsible for ourselves, but if we do wrong others will suffer.

Sometimes those who lie, cheat, and steal never get their just rewards, but this does not mean that others aren’t affected.

If someone in your life continues to embarrass you with their behavior and it seems they always get away with it with nothing more than a turned shoulder, it is difficult to deal with, but first and foremost you must take care of you.

Try to remember that even though you are associated with this person by virtue of a blood relationship or marriage — it is their behavior and not your behavior. Most people will separate that and not blame you for what they did.

It’s a tough situation to be in … I can say from many years of experience. What I experienced as a teen is still continuing to this day. It is a source of pain and embarrassment for those of us affected. All we can really do though is take care of us and our side of the street.

Marketing Request

On the dedication page of my book I thanked those of you who have been my loyal readers, who have offered feedback and kudos to help me continue to write even when the well seemed dry.

I have started a page to sell my book once it’s received. If you go to www.beaglebirdpress.com you will see the blog and some posts that are still on my About page here.  I used to delete those, but at some point decided to leave them.

If anyone wishes to make a comment about how this blog has helped or blessed them, speaking of the blog entries that ended in December as those are the actual book entries, feel free to do so here and I will add them to the other site to show those who know nothing of my work how it’s touched people.

Oh, and if anybody knows Oprah maybe you’d help me get my book on her show as I know it would then be a bestseller and I wouldn’t have to do any more physical labor, not even my OWN yard. :)

barb

What is the Lesson?

Sometimes, often actually, I wonder what the lesson is when I’m going through a difficult time.

Currently, as I’ve written about before, I’m on a partial layoff at my job. Because of that I probably got my book ready for press sooner than I would have. But I’ve had to endure some things I would never have chosen for myself to try to make up the lost income.

I’ve had to do some heavy labor, the first time a job I chose, but didn’t know how physically affecting it would be. The second time at a part-time job that seemed easy until I was told to go outside and do landscape work.

Don’t get me wrong, I love to be outside and enjoy working in my own yard. And at first the thought of working outside didn’t seem so bad because I really do hate to just sit around. However, after about an hour the work became increasingly difficult as my body tired, the temperature crept over 90 degrees, and I was deserted by a coworker half my age, literally.

I guess I say all that to get around to my point, which is, what lesson am I supposed to be learning? I do know that losing income has shown me that I can get out of my routine and survive. It’s caused me to look outside of the box at options I would not consider if I didn’t have a partial layoff.

And so far at least it’s proven that I am being taken care of and will survive even if there are rough patches in the midst of it all.

I think it’s softened me to the plight of others, too. Sometimes we lose and suffer not because of what we do or don’t do, but rather because of things out of our control.

And because of that, I turn to the Serenity Prayer:

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”

The proofs for Living Life Inside Out have been returned to the printer and I should have copies of the book within 20 working days. The photo above is a shot of the cover proof and the dedication page. It’s actually not a great photo, the book will look much better.

More information and options for ordering the book soon.

Start the Presses

Two-and-a-half years ago I began writing a book. It was an idea I had years earlier, but didn’t manage to get very far with what I started. This time, starting back in 2006, I was determined to accomplish my goal.

On Tuesday, May 26, I sent a completed press-ready manuscript to my printer. I finished writing the book in December 2008 and it’s taken me a while to proofread, have it proofread, design the cover, take photos for the cover, layout the cover and inside pages, and actually pull all of that together to send it to press.

If not for the partial layoff, chances are I wouldn’t be finished yet. I have managed to work several days at other jobs to make up for lost wages at mine. I’m being taken care of in the midst of everything that’s happening financially. And nothing has just been handed to me — I’ve done some work I won’t do again unless I have to — but I will do what I need to do to make it.

I have lots of work yet to do. I must market my book which is new territory for me and I’ll start working on that now. Once I get the first book to proof I’ll have a better idea of when I will have books on hand to sell. I’ll be posting more on that later.

Get Over It

I figured out this week that I’m really angry.

It’s George W.’s fault, mostly, in my opinion. Our economy is in the toilet. The flushing began on Sept. 11, 2001, when terrorists attacked the Twin Towers and the Pentagon.

Then Bush and his gang invaded Iraq and declared later that the “war” was over when people are still to this day getting killed fighting in Iraq.

I’ve had people blame our recession, or depression as some call it, on President Obama. How is this his fault?

Look, we’re all suffering. Most of us anyway. Even the wealthy have seen their worth drop. Although the wealthy don’t have to scramble to find work to do when they are laid off or have their hours cut. Their “worth” is on paper and they still have the ability to do everything they have been doing.

I took a part-time contract job this week. That’s when I figured out that I’m mad. I’m angry because I’m having to find something to fill the gap, to make up eight hours a week of pay that I’m losing.

Doing the work caused me a lot of physical pain; already aching joints because of arthritis are now intensely hurting.

I’m angry, too, because in my late 30s I returned to college while working full time. I graduated when I was 40-years-old with debt that will most likely follow me to my grave (or urn, since I’ve chosen to be cremated). And it’s because of that debt that I have to struggle to make ends meet.

On top of the financial aspect of the debt, I’m not making any more money than I was before I went to college. Sure, I’ve got a greater self worth. And I’ve written a book, which I’d never have done had I not gone to college. But I never dreamed that having a college degree, with the loans involved, would cause me to need to find near minimum-wage pay to supplement my income. And I’m in good shape, I work out five days a week, but this physical labor, on a 48-year-old, has been tough.

So I’m angry.

But, you know what, as long as I remain the victim and blame Bushy, and my employer for cutting my hours, and anybody else that I can think of, I’m still going to be angry. And I’m still going to owe the student loan debt.

Maybe I need to just let go and get over it and move on. I will do my best to do that when I recover from the past week of blood (literally), sweat, and (no tears) brought on by a week of hard labor.
___________________________________________________________________

The book, you ask? Yes, it’s nearing completion, the inside pages are formatted. I now have a page count so that I know the exact dimensions of the cover to finish the design.

Currently my right hand is inflamed with arthritis so it’s hard for me to work on the computer with the mouse a lot, but as soon as I can do that without wincing, I hope to finish the cover design. I also need to design my publishing company logo.

God Never Gives You More Than You Can Handle

 

It is often said that God never gives you more than you can handle. To that I say, okay God, enough already!

I’m not here to whine, but things haven’t been too rosy for me in a while. Last year I lost a pet and two friends. So far in 2009 I have had a partial layoff at work (hours and pay cut by 20 percent), and I lost my very best friend.

Buddy, the best boy in the world, my 11-and-a-half-year old beagle, got sick last week and after seeing the third veterinarian I finally got some answers and they weren’t good. He was in liver and kidney failure. The vet, Buddy, and I fought the battle for a few days, but healing and recovery were not to be.

I had amazing support from friends and family. I know that a lot of prayers were said. And I know those prayers worked because I’m handling this lots better than I would have expected. That’s not to say I haven’t been really sad, or that I haven’t cried a lot, but I’m moving forward with life while going through the inevitable grieving process.

One amazing thing that occurred was that I had my portrait made with Buddy just a little over a month before his time ran out. And I really wanted to wait until the spring green was blossoming, but for some reason planned it in March when things were still mostly brown and dormant. I’ve posted one of those pictures here. The portrait shoot was for my book cover. It’s not that I don’t have a million pictures of him, give or take, but now I have professional portraits too.

Loving another, whether it’s a pet or person can often leave us in a place of grieving because of loss, but I wouldn’t trade my time with him for anything. I’ll get another dog, probably sooner than later, and Buddy will always be in my heart.

As for the job cutback, I have been fortunate. I have a part-time job to fill in the gaps during May. It’s a temporary job working for the Arkansas Game and Fish Commission at the Nature Center in Little Rock. I have some freelance work I’m trying to land that will carry me through the summer too. So things on that front aren’t too bad.

I hope that whatever lessons I’m supposed to be learning through all of this are sinking in. I certainly don’t want to have to keep trying to get it. I’m hoping to get moving on the book soon. I’m still trying to get the perfect photo for the front cover and once that is captured it should move along rather quickly.

I know one of the lessons that I’m learning is not to give up no matter how tough things get. Just around the corner are blessings and love. And as some say, God never gives you more than you can handle.

The Rough Times

Most of us have been affected by the terrible economic times at hand. We began to feel the pinch a year or so ago and hoped that it would end sooner than later, but unfortunately not only is it not at the end, it’s been said that things will get worse before they get better.

There are major layoffs happening every day. What became the most startling to me was when two of the four hospitals in my city laid off employees. Who would ever expect massive layoffs in the medical field? People get sick and need health care. However, with so many losing their jobs comes higher numbers of people with no insurance. And there are few hospitals that will treat you if you don’t have the money to pay. And then there are those who have decided against elective surgeries because they just don’t have the money or they aren’t letting go of what they do have because the news is so bad for everyone.

I work in the media, that’s my “real” job. I’m a writer/reporter for a nationally published newspaper that covers the trucking industry. Part of my job is to watch the Associated Press wire for news related to trucking and things that affect truck drivers. Thus I’m constantly aware of layoffs. Every time someone gets laid off the circle of those affected spreads larger than just that person or their immediate family.

Unfortunately newspapers are closing all around the country. Media folks, including those who work for newspapers that have not shut down, are laying off employees. Those that have yet to invoke layoffs are cutting hours and thus pay.

And ours is one of those. It was announced one week ago that our hours would be cut 20 percent, which means a 20 percent cut in pay that is already not the best pay there is to have.

We still have insurance benefits, for now, and can use whatever vacation we have saved to supplement until that runs out. And we weren’t simply laid off, although from what I hear that’s coming in a few months. So things could get worse.

In the meantime, I struggle with all of the things I “preach” in the former entries in this blog, when those words were written as part of my soon-to-be published daily meditation book. I worry too much, I obsess and forget to pray, I lose sleep, and I don’t trust God to take care of me. I forget that I am being taken care of and that I can think outside the box. I don’t remember that when God closes a door He opens a window. Basically I don’t give myself enough credit to believe that I’m strong enough to make it.

Honestly, I’ve hit bottom already and thought I was done with that. Back in 1993 I was there. I essentially should have died, but for a reason I was given a second or third or hundredth chance. And here I am with so much more wisdom and knowledge than I had then. And in 1993 I was alone and pulled myself up by my bootstraps and moved on with life. From the pits of depression and the financial bottom I had put myself in, I climbed out. I started over.

I don’t wish to start over this time. I would like to think that the degree I went back to school for in 1994 and managed to finish at age 40 is worth something. But in this economy it may just be that I end up at rock bottom financially again.

I’ll survive. I’ll be stronger yet again for my struggle. And I’ll know that I can make it through whatever life throws at me.

I still plan to get the book out in a few months. Who knows if at that time I’ll still be a writer/reporter at my day job, or if I’ll be cleaning toilets and mowing yards. But I know I’ll survive whatever I find myself doing.

Friendship

If you’ve read many of my blog posts you know that I am a proponent of forgiveness. I am also someone who believes in telling people the truth about how I feel if I think they are doing the wrong thing.

However, I mess up a lot. I’m not always the best at saying what I want to say to others and I usually don’t go about it the way I probably should. And sometimes it’s not my place to tell anyone what they are doing that I feel is wrong or harmful to them. But when I am in a relationship, whether it’s friendship, work, or family, I do believe that what another person does effects me and that gives me the right to speak my mind.

Relationships are difficult. I don’t think that I do them all that well. And I often expect too much from people. I am also not that forgiving; it takes me a while to let go when someone hurts me.

Recently I spent time with a great friend, one who I had hurt with my words a few years ago. I apologized for the hurt right after it happened, but circumstances have not allowed us to spend time together since then. I felt her forgiveness even though we didn’t discuss it.

Forgiveness and love don’t have to be discussed when actions speak louder than words.

My friend, Cheryl Mauldin, who is the best photographer in the world, spent some time taking photos of me last Saturday. The intent is to use my favorite for my bio picture on the book cover for Living Life Inside Out. And she did it with love and that shows. I also know because of her giving me the gift of her photography, that I’ve been forgiven.

So … to update: I am making progress on the book. I’ve got part of it back from my editor and I am beginning to work on the cover layout.  I still have no idea when it will be ready, but of course, I will let everyone know. I’m trying to enjoy the process and not push and stress over it because then it’s just not fun. There are enough deadlines and pressures at work.

Check out Cheryl’s wonderful photography at www.mauldinphotography.blogspot.com/. You can also peek at a few of the pictures she took of me under the blog: Barb Kampbell, Author.