Staying Calm

“The most important skill in staying calm is not to lose sleep over small issues. The second most important skill is to be able to view all issues as small issues.”
—Paul Wilson

The stresses of life can at times seem overwhelming, yet when we get wound up and worried about what’s to come or what has happened we really don’t make things any better.

Peace and serenity can be ours with much practice, patience, letting go, and letting God. We do not have to sweat the small stuff. By keeping in mind that which we do have the power to change and that which we do not will help us keep things in perspective.

Frustration is an easy thing to come by, but when we learn to let go of that which really just does not matter and those things we can’t do anything about anyway, we will find ourselves more in a place of peace and calm than anxious.

The ebbs and flows of life promise that whatever is going on will eventually change whether we’re on the upside of things or feeling rather down. As much as we resist change it is part of life and healing too.

The people in our lives can cause frustration for us as well. We cannot and should not control others so it’s best not to even mull over in our minds how they could better live their lives.

It’s impossible to stay calm in the midst of attempting to control the world around us. Serenity starts from within and spreads across our lives if we can give it a chance, just as much as frustration can send us into a tailspin.

Start from within to find calm and serenity will fill your life.

Knowing Others

“What we see depends mainly on what we look for.”
—John Lubbock

When it comes down to it, there are very few people who we really know. We may know someone for a lifetime and not know that they have something so painful held inside that they never tell it to anyone. We may judge a person for not acting the way we think they should, when the reality is, we don’t even know how they should act with something that is so painful that they don’t tell anyone, sometimes even a spouse or best friend.

There are those of us who are open books, who may have had bad things happen to us or done bad things. We are able to talk about and work through the issues. Still others struggle daily with something so severe to them that they have kept it a secret and it’s too painful to let it out.

When we start to judge another for their actions we can stop and remind ourselves that we do not know what is truly going on with them because we have not walked in their shoes and they may have more pain than we can imagine.

What we can do is show people love, whether they show it to us or not. We don’t stand for abuse, but we also don’t expect others to act the way we do. If we are aware of a change in someone and we are worried about them, we can talk it over with that person and offer our assistance to get them help.

All of us struggle. That’s something that is important to remember. While some are bright and sunny to everyone they see, their pain could be worse than the grumbler who complains about everything. We can’t judge a book by its cover.

Showing love and compassion for those who seem at odds with us or life may be just what they need to finally open up. We shouldn’t force this on anyone, but just make ourselves available to let them know we care.

Treat the troubled with love and pray that they will get the healing and care they need.

Time Management

“Avoiding the phrase ‘I don’t have time…,’ will soon help you to realize that you do have the time needed for just about anything you choose to accomplish in life.”
—Bo Bennett

We’ve probably all heard and used the excuse of not having time. Maybe we think of it as valid, and perhaps it is at times, but we have the power to manage our time. We can do the things we want to do if we truly have a desire.

Sometimes we use not having time as an excuse not to move forward. We may use it as a reason to not take a risk, a step that would offer us a chance to succeed in a new way, but also one that might allow us to fail.

Every person has the same amount of hours and minutes in a day. We have to decide how to spend that time. Most of us are employed so a certain amount of hours are dictated by our job. It’s what we do with our free time that makes the difference.

There are those who say they don’t have time to exercise, using that as an excuse for obesity. But these same people may be found in front of a television several hours a day. They choose to spend time there rather than walking or working out at a gym.

Some of us claim we’re too old to do things. We say that it’s too late to further our education or to pursue the profession we truly desire. It’s not too late, we’re not too old, and we do have time. We decide how to spend a great portion of each day. It is true that some people have more obligations on their time with children or caring for aging parents, but we still have choices.

How we spend the time we have is up to us. We can continue to use the excuse, “I don’t have time,” and never do anything. Or we can learn to take some time out of each day to follow a dream.

Time is an obstacle that you can use as an excuse, but you’re the one who loses out on your dream.

Keeping Our Perspective

“Most of us miss out on life’s big prizes. The Pulitzer. The Nobel. Oscars. Tonys. Emmys. But we’re all eligible for life’s small pleasures. A pat on the back. A kiss behind the ear. A four-pound bass. A full moon. An empty parking space. A crackling fire. A great meal. A glorious sunset. Hot soup. Cold beer.”
—Unknown

What is important in life? This question is usually best answered after we have suffered a real loss and not when things are going great.

We can get so wrapped up in the daily activities of life that while important in the moment, are not truly the most important things in life. What matters is love of family and friends. Giving to others. Finding peace in our lives. Having long-term relationships. Nurturing those around us who need it, especially children, whether they are ours or belong to another.

What doesn’t matter is getting stuck in traffic for 10 minutes. Losing a dollar in a vending machine. Having to pick up a piece of trash someone threw down. And all the other things that are nuisances to us, but just really don’t matter much in the grand scheme of things.

When we do let the little things get to us in a big way, that’s a signal that we are off track and need some rest and relaxation and time to regroup. We may need to sit down and make two lists. One list of what really matters and one list of the things we worry about and get upset about that really do not matter.

If we have good friends with mutual love and respect we are blessed. If the neighbor won’t mow his grass is it really a big deal? What will matter five years from now is what we need to focus on. Make that list and see what unimportant things can be taken from worry.

Remember that those we love and care for are important, other stuff not so much.

This Too Shall Pass

“Don’t worry about a thing,
‘Cause every little thing gonna be all right.
Singin’: “Don’t worry about a thing,
‘Cause every little thing gonna be all right!”
—Bob Marley (song lyrics)

There are times in our lives that it feels like when it rains it pours. We may have a succession of difficult things to deal with and as soon as one situation is resolved, or healed, another one pops up. 

And while we probably don’t feel like we handle it well, we probably aren’t the best judge of that when we are in the midst of all of the trauma and turmoil.

One thing that helps is to let go and let God. Yes, this is so much easier said than done, but one thing that may be helpful is when we get something catchy like the song above stuck in our head. Every time we start to feel the panic of what’s to come, the unknown, we can call the song to mind and it really will ease the tension.

Things do work out. Maybe they don’t go the way we want, and perhaps we have to go through a lot of discomfort and loss to get through the rough patches, life is change. Nothing stays the same, whether it is when we are feeling on top of the world, or feel like hiding under a rock. Change happens.

And because of change we can know that this too shall pass. Everything is going to be alright. Whenever we are in the middle of what seems to be never ending stress, we can rest assured that one day this will turn around.

Let go and let God. Sing a catchy song. Listen to music. Scream into a pillow. Meditate and pray. Rest. Work out. Go for a walk on a sunny day. All of these things are options to help us through the rough patches.

Never give up, even when the going gets rough, because everything will come around and it’ll be alright.

Healing with Laughter

“We don’t laugh because we’re happy — we’re happy because we laugh.”
—William James

Laughter is a healing force. It’s not wrong to laugh in the face of grief or tragedy. It is always helpful and healthy to find something to laugh about, even if we laugh through our tears.

If we are in a rough spot in life we can find something that makes us laugh if we look long and hard enough. Some of us might have just the thing handy. Maybe a favorite movie that we have watched over and over that brings laughter. There may be people in our lives who are good for a laugh.

Most of us know of something that brings humor in our lives. So when we feel down, or even when we are just stressed and overworked, it’s time to pull out that thing that makes us laugh so hard it brings tears.

If we don’t know what makes us laugh we need to find out. Sometimes laughter can come in unexpected times when we are distraught. It may seem inappropriate to laugh. We may have preconceived notions that if a particular thing happens in our life we aren’t supposed to laugh about anything. This is just not true. As long as we don’t laugh at someone in a hurtful way, laughter is something we need and should seek.

Once after one of my cats died I told a friend about it. He said, “I don’t care, I hate cats.” And he didn’t until he saw how sad I was and then he offered comfort. After this same friend passed away I shared with others this exchange about the dead cat and we all got a good laugh out of it, and this was in the midst of early grieving our loss of him.

So while what he said to me was certainly not funny when he said it, in his passing it is now a source of laughter for me. We just never know where we will get it, but we need to find laughter.

To laugh is healing and necessary for happiness in a world that is often filled with pain.

Grieving Losses

“All I know from my own experience is that the more loss we feel the more grateful we should be for whatever it was we had to lose. It means that we had something worth grieving for. The ones I’m sorry for are the ones that go through life not knowing what grief is.”
—Frank O’Connor

When we are in the midst of grief from a loss whether it’s caused by death or some other separation, it is difficult to find gratitude, but we can be glad that we were blessed with the person in our life, blessed enough that we do grieve. And the way we grieve may not be the same for each loss, and it probably differs from how someone else might grieve in the same situation. There are not set in stone ways to do it. There is no right or wrong.

Grieving may hit us with mild or severe depression. We may experience anger. We may have a lot or a little emotion surrounding it. We may even think at times that we aren’t doing it right. Most likely we are feeling just what we need to feel and handling things the best we can. We certainly do not need to add more stress to the process by questioning if we are doing it right.

But what we do need to do is feel our feelings. It is normal and healthy to grieve and to deny it to surface now will only mean that it comes back later. If we are sad and need to cry, it’s okay to do that. Maybe we feel a lot of anger. If that’s the case then we find a healthy outlet for that, maybe a trip to the gym, or by taking it out on a punching bag, whatever works.

Living life comes with good and bad times. To love means also to lose for most of us. We lose friends, family, partners, and pets, but to deny ourselves that love is not to truly live.

Grieve in whatever way you need to; there is no rulebook.

Burning Bridges

“We should think seriously before we slam doors, before we burn bridges, before we saw off the limb on which we find ourselves sitting.”
—Richard L. Evans

It’s easy to find ourselves in a place where we want to burn our bridges. We get angry with someone or upset about a situation and we never want to be faced with it or that person again.

However sometimes once some time has passed on a situation and our emotions have calmed we find that it wasn’t quite as bad as we thought and we regret having shut the door on it or the person.

Once the door has been slammed in an angry manner and resentments have flared on both sides, it can be close to impossible to heal the situation. So taking some time to let ourselves heal and cool may help us avoid burning bridges that keep us separate from others.

Once we’ve spoken something in anger, once we have slammed the door on a relationship, no matter if it’s business or personal, it is unlikely to ever be healed and returned to a healthy place. It’s not impossible, but it is much more difficult to resume a relationship if it’s ended in such an abrupt manner.

When we are in a situation that needs healing, it is often necessary to take a break. We can take a time out and let ourselves figure out what to do in a calm way rather than in the midst of our anger. Others may not understand that we need time; that we require a break, but it is imperative that we do this if we feel we need it.

Making a decision to change any kind of relationship requires careful consideration. If we leave in haste, whether a job, marriage, friendship, or any other situation, we will more than likely burn a bridge and never be able to resolve the conflict. This finality may not be what we intend, but it may be the result.

A decision made in anger and haste will often not bring the desired result in the long run.

Living an Independent Life

“I would rather sit on a pumpkin, and have it all to myself, than to be crowded on a velvet cushion.”
—Henry David Thoreau

Those of us who live our lives independently are often misunderstood as being snobby or thinking that we are better than others. We do for ourselves and don’t expect others to do for us.

Maybe we are independent because we didn’t have someone to care for us when we needed to be nurtured, so we learned to fend for ourselves. There are those who are independent by default, because they were so dependent in the past that nobody will help them anymore and they had to learn to do for themselves.

We ought to be cautious about being too independent, to do it alone even when we need help is not a wise thing to do. Asking for help does not make us weak and dependent; it just means that we have wisdom. Doing something that we are not equipped to do when we could have asked for help is not independence.

Those who are highly independent need to be certain to have plenty of people in their lives anyway. Just because we are independent we don’t need to forgo giving and receiving love. And independence does not mean that we don’t rely on God.

There’s a full spectrum of needs out there. It’s not healthy to be too needy, and it’s unhealthy to be so independent we cut off all relationships. Balance is the answer, as it is in so many aspects of life.

Live as independently as you can and you will feel strong and vital.