Live Each Moment

“To live each moment to the full, because the moment never comes again.”
—Shabnam Paryani

“Live each moment” was the message a friend of mine wanted passed along at his memorial service. A man with a fighting spirit, who truly did live each moment, ended a fight with cancer that lasted nine years.

Many times we live our lives waiting on a particular thing to happen so we can do something. We think once we get married we’ll be happy. Or once we get to a certain pay level life will be good. Whatever our thinking, if it’s not focusing on our happiness at the moment, it’s probably futile.

Time flies quickly. We seem to blink and our children are grown and out of the house. When we are 20 years old we think people who are 50 are old, and then before we know it, we’re 50 ourselves.

A person who has looked death in the face numerous times, such as my friend who had cancer for nine years, gets a new outlook on life. They don’t worry about missing an hour of sleep to spend time with a friend or family member. They don’t work non stop in order to make another buck, because they value their time more than riches.

None of us knows when our day will come to pass on from this life. Some of us will go quickly and others will spend their last days with a terminal illness. But we all have this moment. Every second we are alive is living. And we should not discount the moments of our lives just because we don’t have everything we think it takes to make us happy.

Stop each day and ask yourself where you would be at that moment if you knew your life would end soon.

Recharging Your Energy

“When you are in the valley, keep your goal firmly in view and you will get the renewed energy to continue the climb.”
—Denis Waitley

It is important to know yourself and how you find renewed energy. Knowing where we get our energy and how to recharge ourselves can go a long way in leading a happy life.

We all have various energy sources, along with things that zap our supply. Sometimes there are people we spend time with who will pull us down. They may be into a lot of drama or they latch onto us in some way and suck the life out of us. There are those who are negative about everything and being around them pulls our energy away from us as well.

If we know people like that it’s best for us to stay away from them. However, this cannot always be done if we work with or for a person like this. But we can avoid getting our energy zapped by them by being more aware of it. If we can avoid these situations we do, and when we can’t we go in with knowledge of what they do which helps us to fend off their influence.

Some find renewed energy from attending meetings, others by reading meditation books or other motivational material. Some may find that taking a brisk walk or working out at the gym is rejuvenating. Taking time to be alone and to regroup our thoughts can work, as does talking things over with a friend. Sometimes we can get the energy boost we need simply by getting a good night’s sleep.

Whatever we know works to recharge our batteries is where we start. If we have no idea it’s time to start finding out. Turning off the things that drain us is highly important. And also keep in mind that it’s easier to recharge if there’s some juice left in our battery, once it’s dead we have a lot farther to go to get back our power.

Find what recharges your energy supply and do it as much as you need.

Pleasing Others

“It’s none of my business what you think of me.”
—Unknown

Some of us worry about what others think and try to please them with our actions.

We can’t please everybody, no matter what we do. There will always be those who think we should do things a certain way even when we have been successful in the way we did them.

A lot of us still try to please our parents even as adults we may still use what they think as a barometer of how we should carry on our lives. Some of us do this knowing that they are dysfunctional and probably won’t ever “approve” of what we do but we try to please them anyway. It’s quite futile to think we can get anywhere this way.

Often those who begin Twelve Step programs or go to treatment find family members, spouses, and others less than thrilled. This is usually attributed to fear of change. Those left behind know that life as they knew it won’t be the same anymore, even though the person is going to have a better life.  If we are taking care of ourselves in a healthy way, we must forge on and try not to worry about what they think.

What matters most is what we think of ourselves. Are we working on being better people? Do we try to do the right thing even when it’s difficult? Are we free of addictions and other things that are not healthy for us? If we feel good about where we are today and where we may be in the future, that’s a positive that we can hang our hat on. The rest, what they think, well, it’s really not our business.

If you believe in yourself you’re already a winner.

Honesty

“I hope I shall follow firmness of virtue enough to maintain that I consider the most enviable of all titles — the character of an honest man.”
—George Washington

Being honest is not always easy, but it is much simpler than trying to keep up with lies. When we tell the truth we don’t have to remember what we said.

Once we have lied to someone we cannot expect that person to believe us in the future. Maybe we told a “little white lie,” but it still puts the mistrust in between us and the person we said it to. Usually when a person has been lied to it matters not how great the lie, what matters is there is now distrust and it’s nearly impossible to overcome.

One of the most difficult things to deal with is when we are lied to and the one who told the lie continually tells us they didn’t lie; that we just misunderstood. This is even harder to get past when they tell us numerous lies and say they weren’t dishonest. We cannot believe anything they say.

Those who have a difficult time trusting will find it next to impossible to believe someone once they’ve caught them in a lie. And this is a hard spot to be in for those who have trust issues because they probably think people lie even when they don’t.

Sometimes it may seem easier to lie, and maybe in the moment it is, but in the long run lying is just not the answer because we tend to start believing even our own lies.

We must be honest in small ways if we hope to be honest with the really important stuff. This does not mean that we have to tell someone they do indeed look fat in a certain outfit if asked, we can instead find something complimentary to say about some other aspect of how they look. We can use some common sense about answering questions of that nature. But when it comes to lying because we find the truth uncomfortable, the truth’s still going to be there, why add a lie to it and make it worse?

Telling the truth keeps you from having to add more lies to cover lies.

Living Fully

“Bloom where you’re planted.”
—Unknown

Getting frustrated with our present circumstances is a common occurrence for many of us. But just because we aren’t exactly where we want to be we do not have to be stuck there forever.

Many will say we are right where we are supposed to be no matter what’s happening. There are lessons to be learned, wisdom to gain, and faith to be built and usually we don’t get those things without some displeasure and often pain.

It’s easy for us to get stuck thinking that because we are not where we want to be at the moment we will never get there. That’s always a possibility, especially if we live our lives believing we can’t get anywhere. But it’s unlikely that where we are in life today will be the same in the future. When the lesson is learned we will probably find ourselves in a new situation.

The thing we must do is continue to live our lives fully wherever we are. If we are unhappy we work on the issues that are causing us to feel that way. Perhaps we are simply bored because we’ve gotten stuck telling ourselves we can’t do more than we are now. Our current situation is not always because of our own doing, but getting out of it, making necessary changes, is something we can do if we want to move on.

Just as a flower blossoms even if planted in an odd spot, we can live our lives fully wherever we are. To constantly bemoan our position is not how we bloom. We do it by living up to our full potential no matter where we are.

It’s up to you whether you wither or bloom.

Shades of Gray

“Things are not always as they seem ….”
—Phaedrus

We can get ourselves into some mighty big messes when we think things are one way, but find out they aren’t as we thought. Often this is because of communication errors.

We also bring into each situation our individual experiences, so how we react may not be the way someone else might react which can cause conflicts when dealing with others.

Things are not usually black or white; they contain many various degrees of gray. When someone says something, we hear what we hear whether that’s how they meant it or not. We may feel lied to while the other person insists they told the truth. Usually if we can keep the lines of communication open and discuss the incident we can figure out that it was more of a misunderstanding than a lie.

Sometimes we don’t understand what’s happening in our lives. We may see hardship as a punishment, but that’s not how life works. Yes, we suffer consequences for things we do, but God doesn’t punish us. Life lessons teach us if we use them as such. Often when we are in the midst of an issue whether it’s on the job, at home, in a love relationship, or any other situation, we don’t see and understand things clearly. That’s why people say hindsight is 20/20 because our vision becomes clear once we get past an event.

We many never make up with those we’ve hurt or those who have hurt us, usually because either or both involved will not take the time to fully communicate about the issues. There are two sides to every story. If we could only remember that when we find ourselves in a spot that we don’t understand our lives would be much easier.

Remember that whenever conflict hits, things are not always as they seem.

Learning By Doing

“As one goes through life one learns that if you don’t paddle your own canoe, you don’t move.”
—Katharine Hepburn

No matter how spoiled and coddled a person is in their childhood, or some even as adults, real life experiences both with successes and failures, are what propel us through life, growth and recovery.

We may lament every time we perform at a level less than we expect of ourselves, but for every supposed failure we learn and grow. We don’t gain wisdom or strength through other people’s lives and experiences. We learn and grow when we attempt and fail and even when we do something with success because we did it.

Just as an athlete cannot become a professional or set a world record simply by watching how someone else did it, neither can we live our lives and make it on our journey with only observation as a tool. We learn what we can from others, sometimes we may avoid certain failures when we see another experience them. But as a rule our growth is ours from doing rather than seeing.

We may feel as if we paddle upstream at times. And perhaps we want others to do for us, but in the long run we gain much more wisdom, strength, and growth through our own actions. Even when the going gets tough, we can rest assured that we will come out on the other side of it with the experience that taught us something.

Even when the current is rough, you must paddle if you want to get through it.

Self-Discipline

“Mental toughness is many things and rather difficult to explain. Its qualities are sacrifice and self-denial. Also, most importantly, it is combined with a perfectly disciplined will that refuses to give in. It’s a state of mind — you could call it character in action.”
—Vince Lombardi

We often think of addiction and recovery as all or nothing situations, that is, an alcoholic no longer drinks, or a bulimic never again purges, and a drug addict stays completely clean from drugs.

And while this is true about those things, we each have things in our lives that we do that aren’t healthy. We may smoke cigarettes; or eat too many sweets or chips; or maybe while we aren’t really an alcoholic we have a drink every night just as a habit; or we stare at the television too much.

All of those things and others, while nothing to send us to treatment or Alcoholics Anonymous, can keep us from being as healthy as we wish. We can practice self-discipline and grow stronger in the meantime.

By going on a diet when we are only 10 pounds overweight, we can save ourselves from having to really struggle on a diet later when we get to be 40 pounds overweight. Even if we only have a few pounds to lose we can be healthier and rid ourselves of poor eating habits by changing our eating routines and getting more exercise.

There are those who smoke cigarettes who know they should quit but believe that they have given up everything else so they don’t want to stop. Many recovering alcoholics and drug addicts will say this. But nicotine is a drug that is harmful to our bodies, as are other ingredients in cigarettes.

I don’t like to be addicted to anything, to let anything control me. Whether it’s a drug or alcohol, potato chips or chocolate, a television show or real life drama, I want freedom from addiction. And while to a heroin addict or to someone with an eating disorder these may seem like small issues, they do offer us a chance to practice self-discipline which makes us stronger in who we are. We can practice the big things in small ways and in doing so we learn about ourselves and become healthier all at the same time.

If there’s anything in your life that feels like it’s an unhealthy habit, determine a plan for giving it up. Pick the day to begin and set an ending goal. While you are beating your habit fill its space with healthy options. For instance, someone who needs to lose weight and does not currently exercise may discover some form or recreation that will not only help them lose weight, but may be something that they will continue after the dieting stops.

If anything controls you, you don’t have control over your own life.

Punishing Others

“Everyone makes a greater effort to hurt other people than to help himself.”
—Alexis Carrel

There are occasions in our lives where we have all either punished someone or been punished by someone. We punish one another for simply being who we are, or for being honest. We often hurt other people to punish them for hurting us, even when the infliction of pain was not intentional, more likely it was inevitable since none of us are perfect.

We punish others for being human. We see someone make a mistake, or ignore us in some way or simply not do something the way we think they should. But rather than love them in their humanness, we punish them. We talk behind their backs, we cut off communication with them hoping we’ll “show them,” or we in some other way chastise them either directly or indirectly.

When we are in relationships with others there will from time to time be conflict, sometimes relationships end because they just are not meant to be. But to move forward in such a way as to hurt someone because they left us does nobody any good. Talking badly about someone to “get them back” because they hurt us will not heal; it will just cause further pain and expend wasted energy.

A better way to deal with the pain is to look inside to see if we may have caused anything to go wrong with the relationship. If we find some defect of character that is causing us to have a lot of problems in relationships, then we need to work on that. If we look at ourselves honestly and don’t find a problem, then we can just move on and know that if it was meant to be it would have been.

We ought to also monitor our behavior towards others to ensure that we do not seek to punish when we feel wronged. Instead of hurting someone to get back at them, we can operate out of a place of love and think of healing rather than hurt.

Punishing someone else really just hurts you in the end.

Understanding Our Power

“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out.”
—Art Linkletter

Fighting what is can be a very frustrating thing to do. When we want something to be one way and it goes another way, acceptance is the best solution.

And so it goes when we have difficulty with other people. We may want a romantic relationship with someone who only wants to be our friend. Or it’s possible to work with someone who we cannot seem to get along with no matter what we do. We only have the power to change ourselves, or to accept the situation. What we cannot do is make the other person change or behave in the way that would make us happy.

Prayer is power because if we have faith we believe that God can make the changes or put us in a different place. Letting go helps since we really have no other option. Insisting that things are bad and will never get better won’t solve anything. It’s best to think in a positive vein, to believe that we have the power to change a situation by moving forward in our lives, and not attempting to force someone else to be a certain way.

Making lemonade when life hands us lemons is how we deal with those things that are out of our power and control. Understanding what we have power over and what we don’t is how we are able to make lemonade.

Do what you need to do to make your life better without expecting someone else to do it.