Doing Things Differently

“To reach a goal you have never before attained, you must do things you have never before done.”
—Richard G. Scott

There are times in our lives when the desire to grow and move forward is a powerful force that cannot be snuffed out without doing it. We may not see that in order to reach a new goal or destination that we may have to look outside the box and do things in a way that we have never before done them.

If insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, then we certainly know that we don’t want to follow that route so we must try things a different way. Most likely we will need to seek help in some way to do this. We may seek information from books, the Internet, or people, but if we don’t know how to proceed out of our routine it’s a good idea to seek such help.

Sometimes we get stuck in the rut that says “my way is the best way and it’s familiar so I will keep doing it.” Getting out of that mindset and trying something new and different can be a scary area to pursue, but well worth the rewards if we do it and reach the goal we seek.

We won’t get very far in life if we hide behind fear and “I can’t” thinking. What we will get is a safe existence for the most part, probably full of regret and envy of others who have forged ahead and found new experiences in their lives. Many times what we do in life is a risk of sorts; changing jobs, beginning or ending a love relationship, having or adopting a child, all these things require us to think and do something different than we did yesterday.

Do something different and see where it leads.

Self-Improvement Opportunities

“There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving and that’s your own self.”
—Aldous Huxley

Many times in our lives we are either the object of scorn, or the one who stands in judgment of another. We find fault with another or find ourselves in the line of fire from someone who wishes to put us down.

The reality of life is that other than caring for our children, we only have ourselves to work on. We are responsible for our own side of the street and how we live our lives. We can improve upon where we are no matter how good of a person we are. But one thing is for certain, we cannot do this for another, and they cannot do this for us.

We have many opportunities for growth and change in our lives. Every day presents us with those opportunities, sometimes in big ways and at other times with simple, less conspicuous ways.

When we focus on another person’s issues we only cheat ourselves and most likely damage our relationship with them. We can set boundaries if another is bothering us in some way, but to try to change that person is not our job. Our responsibility lies within.

We have plenty of work to do when we set out to improve our lives. Often others will try to do our work for us, usually in a way that is not welcome and not likely to help. They choose to tell us how we ought to do something. The only thing this does to our benefit is show us how not to treat those we care about.

Taking every opportunity for growth within is a challenge that we can accept when we are on a recovery and growth path. Staying out of another’s growth opportunity gives them the chance to do their own growing as well.

Stay on your side of the street, there’s plenty of work there.

Lying Hurts

“A liar will not be believed, even when he speaks the truth.”
—Aesop

Lying has its consequences in the fact that eventually nobody believes one who lies. We may believe that little white lies are not big deal, but when someone tells us lies it eats into our trust for them.

If we’ve had someone in our life who lied to us continually such as a parent or a partner, this will effect future relationships and cause us to have trust issues. We will have problems believing people who may have never told us a lie, but we have been damaged by another because of their dishonesty.

This will hurt us in the long run if we do not deal with it and stop assuming that all people lie like those who may have hurt us in the past with their mistruths. Usually the pathological liar types will show themselves early on in relationships with us. Others may be a bit more sly and not let others see who they are right away.

Lies perpetrate more lies so it’s easy for someone to spin themselves into the web of deceit quickly. We can trust others until we are given real reasons not to trust, rather than live under the false assumption that they are just like the last one who lied to us.

Learn to trust each person as an individual, not based upon what others did to you.

Jealousy

“The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves.”
—William Penn

When the green-eyed monster of jealousy rears its ugly head it’s never a good thing for anyone involved, but usually the one who suffers from it is worse off in the end.

Jealousy has its source in low self-esteem because when we are sure of ourselves we don’t have fears of inadequacy and abandonment, so therefore we have more trust. When we are confident in ourselves we are not consumed by jealousy which can tear any relationship apart.

Often when a person feels jealous it’s because they fear loss and abandonment and think that their life can’t go on without a particular person. Becoming dependant on another is not in our best interest anyway, and fearing that we cannot survive without someone is a sure setup for jealousy even when there is nothing to warrant it.

Sometimes people will do things that give us reason not to trust. These things should not be ignored or shrugged off as our jealousy issues, but rather something we need to face and deal with.

In extreme cases people have issues of jealousy so severe that they don’t even want happiness for those whom they claim to love. They see it as some kind of threat when a friend or family member spends time with someone else. Again, this is an issue of low self-esteem that can only be dealt with by the person who is jealous.

Awareness is the first step to rid ourselves of the ugly jealousy traits, but it takes more than that. We must look deep inside and work hard to overcome our issues so that we don’t push everyone away who crosses our path.

When you feel jealous stop before reacting to see how it’s going to effect others.

Opportunity

“You’ve got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you’re not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice.” 
—Steven D. Woodhull

Life is full of choices. If we are unhappy in any situation we have opportunities to get out of it. Sometimes that takes more work than at other times. And we may have to face many fears to make things different, but life is too short to stay miserable in a situation.

If we are in a job that we dread going to every day, we owe it to ourselves to find a new job. It’s very unlikely that we have no other options. It may seem that we don’t have a way out at times, but usually if we look closely there are other opportunities for us.

When we make a decision that turns out to not be a good thing for us, it’s never too late to turn it around. Maybe we made a bad choice in a relationship; this does not mean we have to stay in it. Hopefully we learned something from it and we will decide to move on. At other times we may have chosen not to act when given an opportunity, and while that situation may never come around again, we will be more open the next time.

Regardless of where we find ourselves in life it’s never a good idea to stay in a miserable situation. Life is short and the world is large. Living life in a place that keeps us unhappy is not living at all.

“You’ve made your bed, now lie in it,” is not a real option for those who know they have choices. But if we choose to stay in that bed we can; that’s an option too.

There are vast opportunities so staying in a bad situation is one we should avoid.

Taking Action

“If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never have it. If you don’t ask, the answer is always no. If you don’t step forward, you’re always in the same place.”
—Nora Roberts

It all sounds so simple when we think about it, but we tend to make life more difficult by over thinking and worrying about what could be.

We never get anywhere if we are always stuck at a crossroads unable to move left or right or forward. We must make choices and take risks at least daily, but usually many times each day. Every situation offers us the opportunity to sit silently in fear or to move forward. We may face real risks or imaginary ones, but we only fail when we don’t act.

We can choose our battles wisely. We don’t have to go skydiving or take a dangerous whitewater rafting expedition to say we’ve faced fear. Some of us fear a job change, ending or beginning a relationship, or some other simpler decision.

Indecision can become a block in our lives. We may need to ask questions, research our next move, but stating that we don’t have knowledge of what to do is not an excuse that will get us far in life.

Most of what we fear is the unknown. Sometimes this unknown can be scarier than being stuck in a bad situation, but we must face it if we wish to move forward in our lives. In order to get where we want to be we will likely face many challenges and must make a lot of decisions. Occasionally we’ll make the wrong one, but that’s not reason enough to give up.

Taking action is what gets us to the next place.

Abandonment

“I have a great fear of abandonment. That somebody or people that I really care for will leave, so I’ve always sort of held people at a really good arms length. You embrace them, but only to a certain degree.”
—Sandra Bullock

The fear of losing love can keep us from finding it since we may put up walls and hold others at arms length. We may attempt over and over again to find that special love relationship and find that it never works. Perhaps we set failure in motion because we fear love’s loss and find fault with another whether there is reason to or not.

When we fear abandonment it makes it difficult, if not impossible to truly become close to another. We find intimacy difficult because we just assume that the other person is going to walk away so we only show them part of who we are keeping the rest hidden.

The truth of the matter is, often those we love do leave. We grow apart, one person may be untrustworthy, and people die. This is part of living life. And I mean living. Otherwise, to never open up to another, to never risk love and loss is simply existing in this world. Existing and living fully are totally opposite ways of experiencing life on earth.

We can face these fears, slowly if we need to. We don’t have to throw ourselves out there totally for every person who comes along, but we can try to trust one person at a time or more if we feel safe. It’s scary, but if we always expect the worst we will get it.

Being abandoned is never a good feeling, but it is no cause to stop living life. We will find people who love us for who we are, who are trustworthy, and who won’t leave us until it is their time to go for whatever reason that is. We cannot hold onto anyone anyway. We only have the moment.

Trust just a little more with each relationship and find that there are some worth the risk.

Feel Your Joy

“Remember, happiness doesn’t depend upon who you are or what you have; it depends solely upon what you think.”
—Dale Carnegie

Feeling joy is a good thing and one that we should allow ourselves to experience at every opportunity.
There are those who try to steal our joy. They are the negative people of the world, those who see the glass as half empty and are unhappy in their own skin so they prefer us to be that way in ours.

We don’t have to allow negativity from others infuse our lives. There is more than enough pain to go around, but joy stolen does not have to happen. If we are excited about an accomplishment, if we feel joyful about a situation, or if we just feel the joy of being alive, it’s ours to experience.

Feeling joyful because we are blessed in some way is our way of thanking God and the universe for our blessing. To find negativity in every situation is reserved for those who want to be unhappy.

Feel what you feel, good or bad, and your life will be fuller.

Withholding Judgment

“Judge not, lest you be judged.”
—The Bible

We have many opportunities every day to judge other people. We judge looks, behaviors, wealth, poverty, single, married, gay or straight, but in so doing we only waste time and energy.

When we judge others we are often acting out of a place of fear rather than love. If we find fault with the behavior of another person, we can avoid contact with them, but it is not our place to judge if they are “good” or “bad.”

Each of us is a unique creature with years of experiences that are ours and ours alone. To judge the actions of another based upon the little bit of knowledge that we have about them and what they have lived through is not fair. Like the saying goes, “never criticize a man until you walk a mile in his shoes,” you just never know where someone else has been and what experiences caused their actions so to stand in judgment is worthless.

Usually when we judge another we are either trying to make ourselves feel better or putting ourselves down. We feel better than or less than when we look at another and decide that they are or are not doing what we think they need to do.

Anytime we are judging another person we don’t have time to love them. Judging others brings about negative thoughts and keeps us apart. It interferes with close relationships and causes disharmony.

We ought to let a person be who they are without our judgment. We are not superior or inferior to others. Our judgment does not correct another person’s poor behavior, rather when we feel judgmental we would better serve them by saying a prayer for them.

When confronted with a situation where we feel we are standing in judgment it helps to stop and repeat the phrase to ourselves, “judge not lest you be judged.” That will usually stop our negative thoughts about another.

It’s easier to judge than to love sometimes, but love has greater rewards.

Waiting it Out

“Patience and delay achieve more than force and rage.”
—La Fontaine

Pushing and forcing an outcome is usually a bad idea. When we force our will upon a situation before the time is right for it to work out, we do little but cause more delay and sometimes anger and other issues.

Sometimes waiting is the answer. We do our part, but we don’t push, and we wait. We may have to sit on our hands at times to stop ourselves from sending an e-mail, or dialing the phone, but in the long run we will find patience and waiting are often the best actions.

Forcing a situation in our time would mirror trying to rake the leaves on a gusty day or trying to put an elephant in a paper cup, it’s just going to bust and fail. We cannot force a thing before its time and the harder we push the farther away it will get. This is not an excuse to sit back and never do anything, it’s a solution for some instances, those that need time and space to move forward.

Sometimes we need to step back and get a bit of clarity about an issue before proceeding. Delay does not always mean we will be denied something. But pushing and forcing something will usually cause it to go away or end. And if not that, it may cause even more friction and possible delay.

Patience is difficult, but its rewards great.