Judging Success

“Success is not in what you have, but who you are.”
—Bo Bennett

At times in our lives we’ve all probably questioned whether or not we are a success. We often judge this on our education level and job; our status in the community; if we have children and if so how they are doing in the world; if we have a great home and vehicle; and other things that the world values as success.

Some of us struggle to get most all of those things that if we had them others would deem us a success. But rather than look at our lives in this way, we ought to rather look at who we are. The most brilliant surgeon from the best school in the world who has top notch skills and saves lots of lives would be called a success. But does this same surgeon have a good home life. Is there a marriage or no time for that? If there are children do they know they are loved and cared for, or do they just know there’s plenty of money?

The most successful person is the well-rounded one. Someone who may or may not have the best education, but does the best with what they do have. And they give to others in the community of their time and energy. They also provide not only financially for their family they also provide love and compassion, and most of all attention.

We can’t all be in the top one percent of the wealthiest people, but we can all be good to those we care about. We can be kind to ourselves by not judging success or failure on dollar amounts or recognition. Sometimes those who are the greatest givers to society go unnoticed.

Be the best you and you’ll find all the success in the world.

Let Go of Rejection

“I really wish I was less of a thinking man and more of a fool not afraid of rejection.”
—Billy Joel

If we stopped trying when we were rejected we would all have finished living a long time ago. Rejection begins early in life, earlier for some than others, but it happens.

We may not remember the first big rejection but it could have happened on a playground when we didn’t get picked until last. Or we liked a particular boy or girl and they would have nothing to do with us, but instead chose another. None of this kind of rejection ends as we get older; it just happens on a more adult level.

We choose how to deal with it. We can reject the rejection and move on and try again, or we can let it get to us, take it personally, not learn from it, and get depressed. It’s always our choice. And sometimes it may seem as if there is consistent rejection in our lives. We may never know why. And if we do, if it’s because of a particular behavior, we have the power to fix that and try over.

Searching for a job, finding romantic love, making new friends, all these things offer us numerous chances for rejection as well as for success. It may seem that the other guy always has all the luck, gets all the girls, has the best job, etc., but sometimes we just have to wait longer to get what we want. We eventually do get what we seek or discover that’s not what we really needed anyway, so that’s probably why we didn’t get it.

Rejection isn’t always about us. And sometimes when it is about us it’s not necessarily negative. We may just not be what someone else is looking for in a partner, friend, or employee. That in itself doesn’t make us bad or wrong, it just is what it is.

Let rejection roll off your back and move on, you’ll find what you are looking for somewhere else.

 

Self-Control

“No one can drive us crazy unless we give them the keys.”
—Doug Horton

How many times a day do we blame another person for something that caused us to get agitated? Probably a lot. People say and do things that we find irritating. They may try to control our lives, or maybe they just ignore us.

But it is up to us not to give other people our power. We don’t let another decide our mood for the day, or let them drive us crazy. We can avoid such people for the most part, but of course, there are times when those who are irritating to us are in our lives in such a way as to all but be stuck there, such as a boss or family member.

We, then, have to find and practice whatever way works to deal with that person. Blame and bad mouthing won’t make the situation go away. It’s unfortunately our job to handle this kind of situation, as with most things in our lives.

When we allow others to control our day we give them way too much power over us. When we set a boundary in our lives and someone else does not honor that boundary we need to tell them. If they cross it and continue to do so, it is still our responsibility to deal with it. If someone is bothering us and we continue to allow that to happen then we are getting something out of the interaction. We may need to do some introspection to find out why we continue to allow abuse and see what we gain from it.

Learning to set limits with others is often difficult, especially those who have stalker type personalities where no does not mean no to them.

Owning your power puts you in the driver’s seat where you get to decide your mood.

Patience

“Patience is the ability to idle your motor when you feel like stripping your gears.”
—Barbara Johnson

There are times when patience is an easy thing. And at other times it is one of the most difficult situations to be in, waiting for an answer or a particular thing, or for a situation to change.

When we pray to God for something we can trust that it will happen, but it’s is always first and foremost in God’s time, not ours. We may want it now, but all of the things necessary for that to happen may not be lined out yet.

What if we prayed for our dream job and it was going to be ours, but at the time we prayed for it the job wasn’t in existence yet, or was filled by someone who needed it more than we did. But what if we knew that in a month, or five years that job was going to be ours and in perfect timing? It would be easier to wait. The waiting is hard for us because we don’t know how long it will take. And sometimes the answer is no, so we wait in vain.

There’s a verse in the Bible about having faith the size of a mustard seed. And that particular seed is tiny, yet it yields a massive plant. Our patience takes that kind of faith. It takes knowing that we are where we are supposed to be in the moment and that we won’t miss out on that which is to be ours if we remain alert and ready when the time comes.

We really don’t have much choice in matters. We do what we need on our end to be available for what we have prayed for. If it’s a job, for instance, we have our resume updated and send it to every position that we think sounds like a good one for us. We don’t just sit and pray and do nothing, we take action. And after we take that action, then we wait. Waiting is the action of patience.

We will get what we need when the time is right.

Finding Our Strength

“Seeking strength from others prevents us from finding our own strength.”
—Georgette Vickstrom

Our growth, maturity, strength, and accomplishments are things that happen to us when we do for ourselves. We may learn from others’ mistakes, but to truly learn and grow it’s our own attempts, struggles, setbacks, mistakes, and successes that teach us.

And just as we learn and grow because of these things, we also become stronger when we have experienced something than when we have heard about it or read about it. We don’t know how a broken heart feels until we have one. We won’t understand grieving the loss of someone we love until we experience it for our self.  We won’t know the joy of an accomplishment until we have put the many hours of labor and struggle into it and come out victorious.

To seek to live our lives through others is to limit ourselves immensely. We can always learn from friends and family, and we can lean on each other for support, but real strength and growth comes from experience. Trying to seek these things from others would be like an athlete sitting in the stands watching track practice week after week and then expecting to step in and win the 100 meter dash with no training.

We can gain some wisdom and knowledge if we pay attention to life around us, but the real meat of learning comes with the sweat and struggles, disappointments and joys, setbacks and steps forward, until one day we “get it.”

You have to wear out your running shoes if you want to be the champ.

Changing Feelings

“We have the power to direct our minds to replace the feelings of being upset, depressed, and fearful with the feeling of inner peace.”
—Gerald G. Jampolsky

It may be more difficult at some times than others to find inner peace, but it is available to us. Some of us find it watching a sunset, others taking a long walk, reading a book, meditating, playing, or praying. There are many ways to find inner peace.

We don’t find inner peace by feeling sorry for ourselves. We won’t get it by blaming others for our pain. And we won’t feel peace if we don’t try to move forward.

We can face fear with courage and love. When we are upset or depressed we can reach out to others for a listening ear or support. Whatever works for us and is a healthy thing is what we need to try.

To have peace in the midst of a storm is difficult, but possible. God can help us with that. Our past experiences where we got through tough times prove that we are resilient and able to weather what comes our way. And to find peace in the middle of the storm is an even bigger gift, one that is available to us all.

We have to direct our minds to peace and away from misery. We don’t run from our feelings, it’s good to feel them, but we also move forward. And we are able to move forward by feeling the feelings as they come; we just don’t get stuck there.

When we feel down or in fear, we must find the power within to find peace however it comes to us. We can change our thinking to be more positive, less blameful, and thus more powerful.

We have more power in our lives than we know.

Hope Rather Than Doom

“No matter how dark things seem to be or actually are, raise your sights and see the possibilities — always see them, for they’re always there.”
—Norman Vincent Peale

Without hope we die. It may be a slow drawn out death, but to not have hope is moving more toward dying than living.

There’s always at least a small amount of hope available in every situation if we only believe. If we have a life threatening disease and we give up hope we are bound to die more quickly than if we believe we can be healed and fight for life. The same holds true in other things less tragic in life.

What we believe will happen often does. We may say over and over that we cannot do something and that will come true for us. Living in the shadows of gloom and doom do nothing but bring us down. Sometimes even in the midst of pain and grief when we don’t have the energy to get out of bed we have to pull ourselves up. Go for a walk, go to the gym. Moving our bodies will brighten our outlook on life and bring us more opportunities to find hope.

We never know when that thing that we have wanted to happen that never has is going to come to us. Usually when we throw up our hands and give up, turning it over to God, we soon find what we have been trying to get falls into our lap.

Sickness and death happen, but until we actually take our last breath there is some hope. And on a much simpler level when what we want seems always out of reach if we keep the hope we will someday find ourselves getting that which we wanted.

Possibilities exist if we believe they do.

Cynicism

“Better to be occasionally cheated than perpetually suspicious.”
—B.C. Forbes

Many of us have become jaded over time by the treatment we have received from other people. Lies, manipulation, cheating, unfairness, and other things can cause us to become cynical about relationships.

We continue to punish ourselves if we let the past dictate today and tomorrow. It hurts when people treat us wrong, but we don’t have to let that hurt continue. We can move on from the person who we have lost faith in.

When we continue to carry these issues as a chip on our shoulder, we miss out on lots of opportunities to meet and love other people. We will get hurt again because people are human, just as we’ve been hurt, we have hurt others. From time to time we’ll put ourselves out there and find ourselves getting kicked in the face. But hopefully we will also find love and friendship in other relationships.

We must choose to frame things in a positive way. We aren’t going to get very far if we constantly lament about how bad someone treated us. By being suspicious we close ourselves off. Instead we can say, “I was hurt by that person, but that does not mean that everyone is out to get me.”

The truth of the matter is that most people are not intentionally trying to cheat us, or hurt us, or cause us any kind of pain or harm. Maybe we just need to toughen up and realize if someone is an unkind person we really don’t want them in our lives anyway.

Living a suspicious life only keeps you from finding good.

Slowing Down

“Slow down and enjoy life. It’s not only the scenery you miss by going too fast — you also miss the sense of where you are going and why.”
—Eddie Cantor

Most of us are so busy moving from one task to the next that we might as well be sleepwalking because that would match our awareness of our surroundings. We finish one thing so we can do the next, but we don’t much think about what we are doing.

When we rush through things we probably don’t perform tasks as well as we would if we put our full concentration and attention on the task at hand. Rushing makes us more apt to make mistakes, too.

And if that’s not enough the pace with which we operate is stress producing and bad for our health. Most likely when we are rushing around from task to task we don’t eat right. We may eat the wrong foods and eat on the run; and we may either skip meals or overeat. It’s unlikely that when we are so busy we take time to not only prepare healthy meals, but to actually sit down and eat them at a healthy pace.

The old saying that life is a journey not a destination fits here. The journey is what’s important. All of the relationships along the way; the opportunities to learn and grow; the chance to dance in the rain or soak up the sun; the smell of fresh cut grass; giggling with a friend; and many more things cannot be experienced fully in a rush.

Life is short; moving at a slower pace enables you to live it more fully.

Giving Life a Chance

“Life is like a trumpet — if you don’t put anything into it, you don’t get anything out of it.”
—William Christopher Handy

I often hear people comment that they don’t have this or that in life. Sometimes someone will say I wish I had time to work out. Or I wish I could play the piano, or I wish I had money for a trip.

All of these things are possible. We get out of life what we put in. If something is important to us we make time for it. If we don’t have money for a trip, we could always get a second job and earn some extra cash for a trip later. If we want to play piano, we take lessons and practice, not many people just sit down at a piano and play perfectly without years of practice and training.

And what about folks who claim they don’t have friends and don’t have anything to do. For those people it’s a matter of getting involved in something. Plug into a church or some other organization where people frequently meet. Don’t just show up at church or a meeting, become involved. Give a bit of yourself and it will return many times over to you.

Sitting back in life and waiting for something to happen is not likely going to be successful. What will work is putting something into life and giving to others of our time, a listening ear, a hug, or whatever the need is that is a healthy thing for us to do.

You get much more than you give, but you get nothing if you don’t give something.