Living with Rejection
August 16, 2007
“Human beings, like plants, grow in the soil of acceptance, not in the atmosphere of rejection.”
—John Powell
Most of the time when we are rejected it’s not so much about us as it is about the person who is rejecting us. We can only be who we are and who we are is good enough. If someone does not want us to be a part of their life then we ought to honor that.
What’s especially difficult though is when rejection comes from those within our family. It’s not easy to know if we should walk away when a parent, for instance, rejects us. We have some responsibility to family members that we don’t have in other relationships.
Discerning where to draw the line when rejection occurs within a family is not an easy task. And we don’t have to do it perfectly. Those dealing with dysfunctional families know that sometimes no matter what you do it’s wrong in the eyes of those who choose to be martyrs. It’s that “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” situation.
The bottom line when handling rejection whether it’s a family member, friend, business associate, or love interest is to take care of ourselves first. If someone cannot or does not love us, that does not mean we are unlovable. If we have done nothing to harm the other person, if we have done nothing wrong, yet we are rejected, we must hold our heads up and move forward. We are loveable maybe they just don’t love themselves enough to love another.
Becoming a victim after rejections is not the answer. Hanging our head and having a pity party won’t solve anything. We must look within and find the resolve to realize that who we are is okay, no matter if everyone agrees or not.
Rejection is painful, but it does not mean we are unlovable.
August 16, 2007 at 7:33 pm
This is such a healthy way to look at it!
August 17, 2007 at 8:22 am
Thank you…nice post. It was a good affirmation for a situation in my life. Bless you!!
August 18, 2007 at 6:35 pm
Excellent post. It’s hard to remember how lovable we really are when someone important to us DOES reject us, which, as you say, may have nothing whatsoever to do with us, so thanks for the reminder!
May 27, 2009 at 12:02 pm
I like that, “If we have done nothing wrong…we must hold our head up and move forward.”
Clearly it is not wrong to be dissatisfied with someone else, and to make it known, in a way that leaves that person’s personal integrity intact. From what I hear you saying, rejection is a negative. It is a dishonest and cowardly accounting for someone else’s inadequacy, even our own. Inadequacy or incompetence is inevitable for all us.
If we are honest about our strengths, but especially our weaknesses, and those of others, rejection should not be an issue. But our culture does not like weakness for fear of vulnerability to loss. Competence gives us freedom to manoeuver and satisfy our needs and be self-sufficient. We want to be confident, and should be.
We do very bad things to protect ourselves from loss. We reject rather than be honest about our fears. If there is no
good and clear reasons for someone’s dissatisfaction with us, then that someone is in the midst of dealing with some personal fears. That person is denying their vulnerability for some reason. Unfortunately, there is no true relationship without vulnerability. We must allow the other person to appreciate and delicately help manage our sense of inadequacies and help attain a measure of freedom that will allow us to move confidently in life.
gilles
turnsite.wordpress.com