Setting Priorities

“The best things in life are nearest. Breath in your nostrils, light in your eyes, flowers at your feet, duties at your hand, the path of right before you.”
—Robert Louis Stevenson

Life is full of moments to both be busy and to relax. We are living in a fast paced world often doing more than one thing at once and never feeling as if we have time to do what we really want to do. But if we truly want to do something we usually make time for it.

What we must do is prioritize. We decide whether spending time in our garden is as important to us as watching something on television. Or is attending a meeting or worship service important to our well-being and/or recovery? We put our self first when we know that we need to regroup and get back to our center, even if that means that we have to say no to someone or something.

There are times in all of our lives when we realize that we’ve neglected some part of ourselves that needs to be nurtured. Perhaps our prayer life is suffering from neglect. Or we haven’t spent enough time on our physical health. When we realize this need then it’s time to make the changes necessary to right ourselves.

It’s easy to get off track in our lives, but naming our priorities will get us back on track to do the things we truly know we need to do for our happiness and serenity.

Setting priorities keeps us on track in our lives.

Worry Solves Nothing

“Worry is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind. If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.”
—Arthur Somers Roche

If worrying ever kept a bad thing from happening it would be worthwhile, but worry does not gain us anything. If we have something of concern in our lives what is better than worry is to take action in some way. If the worrisome thing is something we actually have any control over, we take whatever action is necessary. If it’s not in that realm we can pray about it; pray and let go.

Worry can keep us paralyzed by its fear and misery or it can motivate us to take whatever action we can. Our lives may pass us by while we sit and worry. If we try to think of one time in our lives that worry ever kept a bad thing from happening, we won’t find it. Unless we turned worry into prayers and then the outcome would be affected.

It’s human nature to worry, especially the way a parent worries about a child, but it really does nothing but keep the worrier awake at night and upset. It can drain our energy and cause us to miss out on life. And it solves nothing.

Stop worrying and live a little.

Everything’s Changed and Nothing’s Changed

“Change and growth take place when a person has risked himself and dares to become involved with experimenting with his own life.”
—Herbert A. Otto

Those of us who are on the journey of recovery, whether it be from addictions, low-self esteem, codependency, abuse, or numerous other issues we’ve faced, know that we grow from the inside and it shows on our outsides.

A dear friend of mine invented a new word, “therapized” for those of us who have been in therapy for any amount of time in our lives. It does speak through us as some unknown language to others who have experienced therapy and the growth that comes with it. It’s the same way for Twelve Step programs and those who’ve been involved with them for any length of time.

I used the words above to a friend saying how happy I am, “Everything’s changed and nothing’s changed.” The reason for that statement is that there is no single outside change in my life today than from where I was a year ago. I have the same job, house, physical health, etc. But what has changed is how I see the world and those around me. It’s an inside job.

And the amazing thing is that when we are happy on the inside our outside begins to match. However, no amount of outside pleasure and success can fulfill us when our insides are not happy and healthy.

The “therapized” kind of change does take an effort. It takes looking deep within and can entail many tears and brings up a lot of old pain, but in the end, on our journey, it’s invaluable as a tool for growth and self-love.

Change inside and see the outside blossom.

Don’t Get Burned

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”
—Buddha

It’s awfully difficult to let go of certain things when we get angry at someone, but we all know that when we hold on to it we are the ones who are getting hurt. People don’t often treat each other with respect and kindness. And some folks are just downright mean about how they charge through life like a bull in a china closet.

When we haven’t done anything wrong and we get treated in a bad or disrespectful way it’s easy to hold a grudge against the person who did it. But it really gets us nowhere to be angry and hold onto it.

Anger can move us to action in good ways sometimes, but once we’ve wrung anything good out of a particular angry moment, it is time to let it go. How we let go can vary from person to person and from event to event, but we do it the best way we can. We may have to hit a punching bag, run several miles, work out at the gym, scream, pray, meditate, whatever gets that feeling out of us so that we are not holding onto it and causing ourselves sickness.

Sometimes there’s no response suitable for what someone did. We have to learn from it and not let what happened repeat itself if it’s avoidable in the future. First and foremost we take care of ourselves and do what we need in the situation.

Releasing anger frees us. It isn’t saying what they did was OK, it’s just forgiving them and moving on so that we are healthy and able to live our lives in a good way.

Don’t let anger burn you.

Don’t Forget to Say Thanks

“At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.”
—Albert Schweitzer

As we go through our lives we all have people who have helped us when we needed it. Sometimes we don’t even realize what a person’s words or actions meant at a particular time, but later we see that they had a large impact on our journey. We usually see the big things, but sometimes the smallest thing we do for someone or have done for us can mean a lot to our journey and theirs.

Often small things weave together to make our path easier and gentler. We just need to be aware of those things and remember to thank those people who were there in a moment of need. Sometimes it’s as simple as a smile or having someone let us know they care.

Then there are those times when someone does something so big for us we don’t feel that thank you is enough. Someone did something like that for me and I thanked her and asked how I could ever repay her. She said for me to just do the same for someone else. I can’t do the exact thing for someone, but those words ring in my ears when I’m in a situation to help another person, sometimes when I’d rather not, but I’ve been placed in that moment to do that favor for someone.

We all interact in a constant give and take world. Just remember to thank those who give and the world will be a better place.

Always say thanks to those who gave you a spark on your journey.

Loosen up, relax

“Some days you gotta dance
Live it up when you get the chance
‘Cause when the world doesn’t make no sense
And you’re feeling just a little too tense
Gotta loosen up those chains and dance.”
—Dixie Chicks

Believe it or not the world will not fall apart if we take some time off to have a bit of fun. Most of us are so wrapped up in trying to keep all the plates spinning in our lives that we just don’t let our hair down enough and enjoy life.

Whether it’s dancing, laying by the pool, taking a nap, or numerous other things that often we don’t allow ourselves to do, it’s important to just be sometimes and stop doing. It’s really vital to our mental health to let go too.

I took a vacation and was unable to get online for about four days. Before that I was never offline more than eight hours at a time, if that long. Amazingly enough the world, and even my world, didn’t fall apart during that time and once I got online I was caught up within a few minutes. It was a nice lesson and a good break.

We don’t have to be so wrapped up in our lives that we miss living. Juggling too many balls means we are so busy keeping them in the air that we miss out on lots of other things. Life encompasses a lot more than our jobs, our yards, housework, and even our children. We don’t neglect any of those things, but we also take time to enjoy all of our life in order to maintain our sanity.

So loosen up those chains and dance if that’s what you do. And if, like me, you’re not a dancer, find some other way to loosen up.

You have more to give when at your best.

Success and Failure Go Together

“Success isn’t permanent, and failure isn’t fatal.”
—Mike Ditka

It is good to remember that life is not stagnant and no matter where we are today, whether it’s where we want to be or not, most likely that’s not where we’ll be in the future. That’s not a gloom and doom prognostication for those who are right where they want to be now, it’s just that things change, and we always want to remember that when we are in a rough spot of life.

Once we reach a specific goal we can’t give up and say that we’ve made it and never move ahead. We made that goal and we set another one and move forward with it. If we fail, we realize that there are other options and chances in life and we try those. Just because we fail at one thing it doesn’t mean we cannot find success in another.

Both sides of the coin of success and failure are important to our lives. We probably learned a great deal more from our failures than we ever did any successes. However, our successes are most likely what keep us trying even when we find failure at something.

You can bet on one thing, if you don’t try you will never succeed unless your goal is to do nothing.

Seeing Both Sides

“Don’t believe everything you think.”

Often we go through our lives carrying old thoughts. We may have a head full of negative thinking that we have carried from childhood about who we are. Someone in our past may have had a great influence on us in a negative way and if so it’s time to let that go.

Sometimes we don’t realize what thoughts we have in our minds that aren’t true. It usually takes soul searching and much thought to discover that we aren’t necessarily what someone told us we were. Often we live our lives according to what we believe and those beliefs are based on false assumptions.

We must discover for ourselves what our truths are. Maybe we were told we were not smart enough either directly or in some non direct way. Or perhaps we aren’t as handsome or as pretty as we would like to be. We may have failed in relationships because we could not trust another person since we never learned to trust.

Any of these things and hundreds of other things we think can be based on falseness. When we start to see ourselves in new ways we discover where these thoughts began and we can change our thinking. We don’t think more highly of ourselves than what we deserve, but we also stop condemning ourselves to be victims and unworthy creatures.

We may need to write down on a piece of paper a list of both our good and not so good qualities. We do this to see that there are many positive things about us, and to see what we need to work on. When doing this, it’s very important to list good things; we all have them so make sure your list has plenty.

Turn thoughts into truths about yourself and see your world change.

Live the Possibilities

“Rebellion against your handicaps gets you nowhere. Self-pity gets you nowhere. One must have the adventurous daring to accept oneself as a bundle of possibilities and undertake the most interesting game in the world — making the most of one’s best.”
—Harry Emerson Fosdick

We — all of us — have things that we could use as excuses to never do anything with our lives. We have fears, limitations, pasts, hurt, anger … you name it we have an excuse for every situation if we choose to live our lives that way.

But those of us who choose to be the best we can be, to make the most of our lives, know that those excuses will limit us and hold us back from taking the risks living life presents. We can use the excuses. We can if those are the limits we wish to put on ourselves, but if we choose to move boldly forward we must put them aside one by one and forge on with our heads held high into the unknown world of taking risks.

The risks I mention aren’t dangerous risks. They are courageous things we do so that our lives are what they were meant to be. It means we use our God given talents despite what our circumstances say we can or cannot do.

One simple example is going back to college. Some of us decided later in life to finish a degree we started earlier, or to start and finish one from the beginning. We may have had to borrow money to do this, or we may have had to dip into savings. Either way, we took a risk to get what we wanted. We may have used our financial limitations as an excuse for years before taking the risk, but most likely it paid off for us either with a better job or in the way we felt about ourselves.

Limiting ourselves by our handicaps gets us nowhere. Living our lives thinking of the possibilities of what we can do, and attempting the things that we feel led to do, will not only fulfill us, but will offer the world our gifts and talents.

Don’t let handicaps limit your possibilities.

Honesty Starts With Self

“Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.”
—Thomas Jefferson

Honesty with self is the beginning to finding a happy and fulfilling life. When we cannot be honest with who and what we are — mistakes and achievements included — we can’t be whole.

All of us have issues we wish to recover and heal from. Some of our issues show up in overeating, drinking too much, or some other addiction. We may not be aware of the reasons we do the harmful things we do to ourselves, but as we seek to grow and heal, we do discover that many actions brought us to where we are.

Whatever our issues, we first must own them for ourselves. If we cannot be honest with self, how can we ever be honest with anyone else?

Often we discover our real truths while talking to other people if we are being honest. We may surprise ourselves and actually admit out loud to someone what is truly inside of our hearts and minds. Perhaps this happens by accident simply because we are opening up to ourselves and someone else.

It’s part of the Twelve Step to admit to ourselves, God, and another person our faults, but also our goodness. It often occurs over time and with trust for other people, but it starts with us.

We may practice saying out loud while alone our truths, whatever they are, and realize that saying how we truly feel, the gut honest truth about our strengths, hurts, fears, all of what we feel, will set us free to grow and heal.

It works. Holding things inside hidden from light in the darkness of our souls will only keep us sick. Shining the light on fears and failures only lessens the pain it does not make it grow. And in the process we find out things about ourselves we didn’t even realize because we couldn’t be honest enough to ourselves.

Honesty sets us free to be healed.